Suicide - Broken Lives
Posted: Tuesday, October 04, 2011
by Brianna Popsickle
We’d grown up together and were best friends. Rachel was always smiling and laughing, so much so she earned the nickname, Giggles.
We shared a lot over the years. We had long discussions over whether or not Santa was real. We made houses out of cardboard boxes and would go for walks in the rain with garbage bags draped over us. She was the first to know when I fell in love, and the first person I’d turn to when I was heartbroken. Likewise, I was there for her. She knew it, and counted on it.
Rachel used to say that people didn’t want to hear anyone complain. They wanted to surround themselves with positive people. So that’s what she gave them. She was always smiling, always there for a friend in need. People knew it and relied on it.
I remember Rachel saying that many of her friends spent time telling her their troubles, but never stopped to ask how she was. She said that was fine, it didn’t really bother her. After all, what were friends for, she reasoned. But I knew it troubled her to think that no one cared. I understood, and sympathized more than she could know.
The last time we got together for a girls weekend we’d rented a cottage for a couple of days.
We unpacked then settled in around the island in the kitchen nibbling orderves and sipping wine. We talked for hours on end.
We laughed until our sides hurt as we recalled childhood memories. We cried as we shared details of experiences we’d been through since going off in our own directions.
She couldn’t have been more proud of her children and had nothing but praise for her husband, who she’d met several years after her first marriage ended. She was very successful in her career and she enjoyed her work. She’d become very close with a co-worker, whom she mentioned often.
When the weekend ended, she hugged me and thanked me. She said no one understood her like I did.
When I got the call, several weeks later, I was in shock. Rachel was dead. Although he was trying to be strong, I could hear the pain in her husband’s voice. She’d accidentally overdosed on medication prescribed to help her sleep.
I cried for a long time until I couldn’t cry any longer. I thought of her husband and her children whom she loved with all her heart. I thought of all her friends who relied on her. I thought about the co-worker she’d spoken of.
My husband and I had arranged to go out for dinner that evening. I managed to put on a brave face and go as planned.
I laughed and nodded as people talked about their work and their latest golf game scores.
I was startled when someone turned to me and asked how I was doing.
“Good,” I said with a bright smile “How have you been?” I asked.
Thoughts of Rachel filled my mind.
My husband looked at me from across the table. He smiled.
No one understood me like he did.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Sad, sad. I wrote on called "Erica R Killed Herself" last yearI will have to check it out Jack. Thanks for reading.
hi bri,
pain is such a disturbance to our life, health, mind and heart.
losing someone close is heartbreaking.
you have my deepest sympathy.
thanks for sharing,
my best to you,
sueActually, although I've known people who've suffered with loss due to suicide, this article was my first attempt at fiction. Thanks for reading and for your thoughtful comment Susan.I did not know it was fiction until reading this statement.
A loving and moving tribute to the memory of your friend, Brianna. Thank you for remembering her by sharing a bit of her with us. She sounds like a wonderful person. I'm sorry you lost her too soon.Actually Jean this was my first attempt at writing a piece of fiction, based loosely on experience I've had and friends have had losing someone to suicide. I changed the category to fiction, so hopefully people will be aware. I've learned something. When writing fiction probably best not to write it in first person. Thanks for reading.Well, hmmm, duh! You did a great job, it was totally believable, which is the mark of great fiction. :)Thank you Jean, but I think I should rewrite it in third person. LIke I'll have time to rewrite, can't seem to find the time to write at all these days. Missing it.
It was rather shocking she died of an overdose and made me think a lot of people have certain sleeping problems asides from other mixed ups and downs that come in their way.Thanks for reading and commenting Hilda.
Well, you certainly had me beliving! While reading the article I kept thinking about how terrible I felt for you and your friend's family. Death is always so hard on the loved ones left behind and this kind of death usually leaves more questions than it provides answers. My son spent many months asking questions that never got answered, only to decide that the good memories he had of his friend were more important then being consumed by asking why his friend died. This was a great article, fiction or not, and I was more surprised to hear that it was not true than I was to believe it.Well, like all fiction, this was based on some experiences I've had along with people I'm close to with regard to suicide. I was trying to point out that many times a person who commits suicide never gives any real indication they are in that frame of mind and people are left to wonder why. In this case, there were a couple of possible reasons, but one never knows. Thanks for reading Barbara!
Many of us have experienced a real suicide among our friends and family. Unfortunately, fiction is not necessary for many.
Also, how can it be suicide if the husband says she "accidentally" took too many? Just wondered.You're right. Suicide is very real and has, unfortunately, touched many lives. I based this fiction on experiences we and people close to us have had. By saying 'accidentally,' I was trying to convey the fact he was in denial and hadn't accepted the fact it was a suicide. I think I presented a couple of reasons why she may have committed suicide, but didn't want to say why since with many suicides, loved ones never know the answer. Like I said, my fiction needs a little work lol. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Suzi.
Classic case. The person left behind carries the big brunt of suffering when all is said and done. Your friend tried to be strong and lets just assume she did accidentally OD. What a terrible waste. And you are also one of the left behind and you were such good and loving friends. I'm also sorry for you and for your loss of your good friend. Sometimes we can get to our friends in times and otherwise it's not possible. You are here and I'm sure are stronger for it. I know we surely love you here; how about it - give us more stories by Brianna!This was more fiction than reality Heidi, but thanks for reading and for your comment. I am hoping to get back to writing something very soon.See, there you go, Fiction. Tough subject but a fine read.
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