What If?
Posted: Wednesday, August 24, 2011
by Brianna Popsickle
My son announced he’d be moving back to school in one week. He was going into his fourth year of university. Where had the time gone?
I thought back to the day, five years earlier, when his sister had left for school. I was so proud. Proud of her for all she’d accomplished and proud of myself for not dissolving into a blithering mess (like everyone expected) when we left her in her dorm.
Knowing my kids were happy and were where they wanted to be made it a little easier for me to say goodbye. I tried to push all of the usual ‘what ifs’ a mother has out of my mind. (What if they hated school? What if they didn’t eat right? What if they got sick?) I tried to focus on all the good experiences that lay ahead not only for them, but for my husband and I as well. Suddenly empty-nesters with time to pursue our own interests and time to rediscover what it was like to be ‘just us’.
Well it’s been ‘just us’ for three years now (at least from September until April) when our son comes home for the summer. His return is an adjustment for all of us. There’ve been times my husband’s whispered to me, “I love him but it will be nice to get back to our routine.” There’s been days my son’s exclaimed, “I can’t wait for summer to be over and be back at school.”
I have a confession to make. There’ve been days when I’ve thought, ‘I can’t wait for September to roll around when they’d both return to school.’ (My husband’s a teacher.)
I want my house back!
But having said that oddly enough, as the back to school ads started to appear and when my son announced he’d be leaving in a week a wave of melancholy came over me.
It had been a wonderful summer in many ways. The house came to life when my son played the piano. He kept us in stitches with his stories from work and with his relentless pursuit to beat his dad at Scrabble. My husband and I had many beautiful sun-filled days at the beach and barbeques and campfires with friends.
But as wonderful as the summer had been, it was one of mixed emotions for me. Witnessing the continual decline of my parent’s health, dealing with a strained relationship with someone I hold dear, suffering the loss of Casey, our Brittany Spaniel, not to mention a few health concerns of my own.
My mother always said, the older you get, the quicker the summer passes by, and she was right. This year as my son prepares to leave I’m not thinking of it as the start of another school year with the same excitement I’ve had in the past, but more as the end of something. Another summer gone in a flash.
The ‘what ifs’ I’ve had in the past when he left for school are no longer there. He’s not the same kid we left in the dorm three years ago, but a confident, capable young man.
Next week when he leaves, I’ll give him a hug goodbye and tell him to have fun. My husband will return to work and I’ll have the house to myself just like I’d wished for some days throughout the summer.
Careful what you wish for.
Today as my husband was golfing and my son was at work I began writing this article. My trusted spaniel was not at my feet where she normally would be. I got a glimpse of what it was going to be like having the house to myself. It didn’t have the same appeal it once did.
Suddenly I was aware of the‘what ifs’ popping up again, only this time I didn’t have all the answers.
What if this was my son’s last summer at home? What happens when my kids stop needing me? What’s going to become of my parents? And what’s next for me?
Children grow up and leave. Relationships change. Summers and lives, come to an end.
The ‘what ifs’ never do.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Ok, Brianna. You are not alone.I been there, done that. I am facing what you are right now. My second daughter has left home to work in Singapore last week and at first, I had the thought as you, creating a lot of " what ifs " on my side. I can see her on Skype and she looks ok, at least in my eyes.
" let go " is the word and start doing what we love doing. As long they are ok. Everything will be fine.
Thanks for sharing.I haven't had a problem letting go of my children in the past. I think knowing this may have been his last summer at home, got me thinking, what's next for me. You're right. The trick is to find what I love to do and do it! Thanks for reading and commenting Hilda.Nice to hear from you.
I'm really okay with my children moving on. That's what we want for them right? They need me less just when my parents will need me more. It's that whole circle of life thing, and sometimes it's just sad. Nice to hear from you Gregory. And I think I've asked you this before. What's with the hat? :)
Very well expressed, Brianna, as always. Love your humor and your insight. I remember before our last couple of family vacations with both girls, before husbands and on college breaks wondering "is this the last family vacation with our family as we know it?" That awareness made those trips even more special. I also remember our first real vacation - not just a quick getaway - that was just Danny and I and it was wonderful! These days I still have the "what ifs' you talk about and they are scary if I dwell on them, probably because as I get older I see more permanent scenarios. In the meantime, guess we enjoy and live to the fullest each day God blesses us with live and loved ones. Life, truly, is good.
I write in the moment and straight from the heart. It was his damn piano playing! It always hits me that way.:) I'm usually good with living one day at a time and savoring the moments. You are so right. We are blessed to have loved ones to share this life with! Thanks for your comment Lorrie.
I sometimes hear people talk about their families and how much they all love each other but it just doesn't ring true for me, maybe because they're afraid to just tell the whole truth. But when you write about your children and your husband, and your family life, your words have so much authenticity and you don't shy from the truth, so I know that the love is real. I can't tell you how much warmth that brings to my life. You do write straight from the heart, and it shows! I really admire you, Brianna, for what you've done with your life so far. You're a real inspiration to me :)I tend to write about whatever is going on at the time. There are ups and downs in every family, marriage or relationship and I find writing about it great therapy! I like when people can relate and share their own stories with me. I'm glad you enjoy reading Jennifer and I'm very flattered you are inspired by it. You're right, my love for my family is very real but I have to tell you, I really could have killed him when he left me stranded. :):) Who says love is never having to say you're sorry? Love is having the right to be mad as a snake sometimes!!
Hi Brianna. I so feel you. After J graduated, he came home for three weeks. During that time I was a fluster of emotions, one being jealous if the time my husband spent with him instead of me. Isn't that terrible?! But then we had fun together as well and I could see how miserable he was here with us. The day he packed up to go home - home, sounding so permanent - to Oregon, I was a mess. Happy and sad, but I will never forget the look on his face. Strong, mature, ready to begin his own life, including starting his new job, he hadn't worked the entire time he was in school. We are blessed to have wonderfully close families. Thank you for sharing your stories, the make me feel much better about myself. ha :-) It's crazy to think both of our children are back in Oregon and now have lives and futures of their own. The house is quiet - sometimes its a beautiful thing, others, well, not so much. Keep sharing! You are an inspiration to many! Hugs, TI hear you Teresa, about the quiet... and as for sharing my stories, count on it. We mothers/women need to stick together. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Hi Brianna.
Your kids will ALWAYS need you. Don't doubt that for a minute.
You have so much grace and intelligence that you shall weather well all the changes in your life. Have no fear of that.
Great article! Well written. Speaks to the heart.
Hugs,
DianneThank you for your vote of confidence Dianne, it means a lot. I think you're right. I know I still need my mom!
You get used to them being gone (not the dog).I know what you mean. I think. Thanks Jack.
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