My Name is Brianna Popsickle and I Am Not a Techie
Posted: Saturday, January 29, 2011
by Brianna Popsickle
I’ve written my first book and someone suggested I set up a PayPal button to sell it.
“It can be done pretty easily,” he’d said. I guess he didn’t know me.
I’m not very technical. I’ve finally mastered downloading songs to my I-pod, but if I can get my children to do it, all the better. I could operate the VCR, but haven’t touched the new DVD player.
My worst experience to this point has been switching my business Internet services over to personal use. It should have been easy, but it wasn’t. Instead I found myself on the phone with countless voices in as many countries day after day for exactly 34 days (I kept a diary).
Each customer service representative began the conversation the same way. They heard me out, and said, “Hmmm, that shouldn’t be happening. Just one moment.” Then I was placed on hold for twenty minutes. They each ended the conversation the same way too. “I’ll call you back tomorrow, but if by chance you don’t hear from me, dial this number.”
Of course they never called back and each time I dialed the number I had to start over from the beginning with a new representative in a new country. Days passed and I was spending hours on the phone but getting nowhere.
Let’s get one thing clear. I’ve been on the other end of customer service. I appreciate the fact that the person on the other end of the phone, doesn’t make the rules and isn’t responsible for your suffering. I despise people who give them a hard time. I never hang up on telemarketers, instead I give them the opportunity to practice their schpeel, and thank them for the call. I’m a nice person.
However one day, I’d reached my limit. After being on the phone for another two hours and getting nowhere, I lost it.
Suddenly I began to curse uncontrollably. I was using words I didn’t even know the meaning of, throwing everything and anything I could out there, just so they’d know how truly frustrated I really was.
Suddenly I heard a click and then an unfamiliar voice say, “This is Todd, the supervisor, and if you don’t quit swearing ma’am I’ll have to disconnect you.”
“Todd,” I pleaded. “Don’t hang up. I apologize for swearing, but this is what your company has driven me to! I never swear!”
I explained my long, sad tale as he listened quietly.
I ended with, “I know you’ll go home tonight and tell your wife about the crazy woman you dealt with today. But Todd, I’m not crazy. Really, I’m not. If you were me, you would have killed yourself by now.”
From that point on Todd did what he could to help. He said judging by the records of my calls he could understand my frustration. He went beyond helpful not once, but twice, calling me from his home (which he admitted was against their policy) to see if I’d made any progress. I think it’s safe to say we became friends, like two people who have endured a traumatic experience together, forever bonded. Had I known how to operate Facebook at the time, I’m sure we would have added each other as friends.
There was one other guy who was very helpful. He gave me step-by-step instructions as I entered a series of codes on my computer while watching from his. It was a long process. At one point I apologized for having to backtrack, slowing him down.
“No problem,” he said. “You’re being great.”
“You sound surprised Ken,” I said. “Why do you sound so surprised?”
He was silent.
“You have a file on me, don’t you Ken? What does it say? Does it say I’m a crazy woman?”
More silence.
“Kenny?” I urged.
“Well, it does mention you became pretty irate,” he said cautiously. “But seriously, you shouldn’t have had to go through all that. You’ve been extremely patient and I shouldn’t be saying this, but if I were you I’d be asking for a couple months of free Internet as compensation for your time and trouble.”
He had no idea how much that meant to me. I told him it would mean even more if he’d amend my file and make a note to indicate just how patient (and sane) I really was.
So now maybe you understand when I was told signing up for PayPal would be easy, I was skeptical, and began to shake. Technical stuff intimidates me.
I relaxed a little when I signed on to PayPal and read, “Easy Registration In Fifteen Minutes.”
But two hours later I was still at my computer trying to register. I was on my second glass of wine and polishing off an entire French loaf as my husband walked into the room.
Before he could say anything I looked at him and said calmly, “I hate everybody and everything.”
He left the room.
I dialed the PayPal help line.
Half an hour later, I’d just hung up the phone when my daughter called.
“Hi Mom,” she said excited. “Guess where I’m calling from? My new GPS! I hooked it up in about three minutes. It was so easy. I just say ‘dial home’ and it automatically dials your number. When I say ‘end call’, it hangs up. Isn’t that cool?”
“Very cool, “ I said, sounding less than enthusiastic, as I poured another glass of wine and began digging through the cupboard for the bag of Doritos.
Some time later, much to my relief, I’d registered my PayPal account.
My husband came back into the room to make some soup. I had to smile as I heard him quietly reading the directions, “ Add one full can of water . . .”
I told him I finally got registered but wouldn’t know if I’d done it successfully for a few days.
“You’re so good at all that technical stuff. You really do great,” he said proudly, pouring a can of water into the soup.
I went over and gave him a hug.
“And you, you’re really good in the kitchen,” I said smiling.
Any lack of faith I’ve ever had in myself, he’s always more than made up for. It was the reminder I needed to not be so hard on myself.
I’ve come to accept the fact I can’t stick to a diet or stop talking during a movie. I can’t keep a conversation short . . . and God help me, I am not a techie.
This Article has been viewed 1,625 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsVery nice post.Thanks for reading Sid, and for taking time to comment. Have a good night.
Well, you're not the first person I told that it was easy to create a PayPal button this month. Maybe I should try to do it myself, it's been a few years.
Jean and I are looking forward to receiving our copy of your new book. Good luck with it!Was that you who told me it would be pretty easy to do? :) It probably is easy Bruce, only now you know by the article, I'm not a techie. But I think I worked it out! Any luck at all, I should have a button in a couple more days. I hope you and Jean enjoy the book. I know I enjoyed writing it! Thanks again.
I'm the same way. Though I'm glad I'm not an electric typewriter anymore.I remember when we switched from manual typewriters to electric. We've come a long way baby! :) Thanks for reading Jack.me too, and mimeograph machines. It made editing term papers a real pain. I graduated college in '74.
Can'f tell you how much I enjoyed, AND identified with this article. You have ALL my sympathy. While I'm on the subject, one of my big pet peeves who think they need to "update" their website periodically. Apparently they've never hear "If it ain't broken, don't fix it." Because EVERY time they "fix" it, it only produces more problems for me. :)I'm glad you enjoyed it Joyce. But sorry you could identify with it. :) It seems many can identify! Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.
I am techie, handyman, and an electronic wizard (raises hand). I can build you a computer from scratch and then take it back apart again. I can work the controls of any device if given the instructions. I can take apart an entire bicycle and put it back together, especially a cruiser - love those cruisers. Now when it comes to cars under the hood, I'm not your guy... lol.If this were a dating site, that comment would be getting you lots of hits right now. There's a lot of women out there looking for a handyman/electronic wizard/techie. Feel free to add your email address. If it doesn't get you a date, it's sure to get you some job offers at least! :) Thanks for reading and commenting James.
Comic relief as usual. And making me glad that our close neighbors worked at IBM and Oracle etc all their lives. they are a few steps down the road away and are easily bribed with gift cards to Red Lobster or I'd be a heck of a wreck of a mess! I HEAR you!It seems a lot can identify with this one. :) Thanks for reading and commenting Marijo. (I'd be very easily bribed with a gift card to Red Lobster, Mmmmm).But you';d have to be a Techie!
I have called up my internet service provider and yelled at him umpteen number of times and it hasn't been of any use. The reason? They came up with a new plan and the plan is, if we use more than 8 GB data the speed will be reduced down to 256 KBPS. That is really annoying when I have a load of assignments to research on and finish and mail them to my employer.
PayPal is a nice service and I always choose my payments to be transferred there.Yes Dm it's very frustrating when we have computer issues. I've found the many representatives I've spoken to in the last week at PayPal to be very nice. But I"m hoping my days of chatting with them are over. :) Thanks for reading and commenting.
Been there, done that - with my host company and also an anti virus company. Frustrating beyond words. Sounds like you have resolved the issue and congratulations for the perserverance. As far as my website hosting nonsense is concerned, I still have problems and am so angry. When it comes to the broken links and redirecting, page 404 and all related google stuff, I honestly think I've learned more than some of the morons that are trying to help. Several supervisors later and still nada. Did you ever think, "What if I cannot get this resolved, what to do?" I'm at that stage. I'm not technical enough to rebuild my website. So I'm stuck. Here here to getting your problem resolved!Boy can people relate to this article. I feel your frustration and sympathize. As for getting my problem resolved. Ugh. Thought I had. I'll be back at it this morning. It seems so straight forward. Very frustrating, not only for me but for those around me. :)
Oh my, Brianna!! This was fantastic! I've been in situations exactly like that and I totally understand the screaming, rant sensation!! I've felt so badly for the people on the other end of the line after all is said and done. Like you, I don't enjoy being that frustrated and angry. But sometimes... enough is TOO MUCH! I love your style girl... keep it up. LindaThanks Linda. Right back at ya! :)
Brianna.
Cute story and I can honestly say that I've been there and done that!" Hope everything turns out well for you and your book is a great success.
Love, hugs and blessings,
MichelleThank you Michelle, I appreciate your support. Have a great day!
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