I’m Going Straight to Hell . . .
Posted: Wednesday, December 15, 2010
by Brianna Popsickle
I was talking with a friend the other day who had been raised a Catholic. He said he used to make things up when he went to confession (as did most of his friends) because really, at age six, what did he have to confess? I could relate having grown up Catholic. I used to go to confession and say things like, ‘Well, I didn’t actually do this, but I thought of doing it,’ just to have something to say.
I’ve purchased beds for children in third world countries. I’ve participated in and organized fundraising events for charities like Heart & Stroke and cancer research.
I’m a good person. At least I try to be. So why am I feeling so bad?
It started this morning. I withdrew money from the bank machine and went Christmas shopping then went to pick up groceries. As I was going through the checkout, the cashier mumbled, “Would you like to donate two-dollars for charity?” She raised her eyebrows and sighed, “I get tired of asking.”
I bet she was tired of asking. And I bet most people were tired of being asked. It was the third time I’d been asked that day. I contributed at the first store but declined at the second, and once again found myself saying, “No.”
I felt awkward. - No. I don’t want to help starving children.- Gimme a break. Everyone wants to help, but there’s a limit to what you can do. Plus, to be honest, it irritates me that the store collects money from customers and then a month later you see a picture of the owner getting free publicity while presenting a cheque to the charity.
What else annoys me is that a year ago when I went through the checkout the question was always, “Would you like to make a donation?”
‘Would you like to make a donation’ implies, donate whatever you can afford, which seems reasonable. But then it became, ‘Would you like to donate a dollar?’ and now two-dollars. Soon they’ll be asking for five dollars, making you feel like anything less would be worthless.
I’ve never found it easy to say no. My heart bleeds for anyone less fortunate and although I’m not rich financially, by any means, I am rich in that I am comfortable and am surrounded by loving caring people. I’m very aware of how lucky I am and how quickly that could change. So when someone asks me for something I almost always give.
Those kids standing outside the store collecting for their sport’s team or school, laugh when they see me coming. Boy Scouts and Girl Guides yell, ‘Get out the apples and cookies, here comes Brianna Popsickle.’ I can’t say no because my own children stood in their shoes once, and I know how they felt when people just walked by.
What goes around comes around, right?
But today I blew it and I’m feeling like a terrible person.
As usual the carpenter renovating our kitchen appeared at dinnertime. As I maneuvered around him peeling potatoes and chatting away, my husband called from our bedroom to bring him an aspirin. He had come home after work with a full-blown cold.
The carpenter left, my son got in from work, and just as I was getting dinner on the table, the doorbell rang. Oven mitts and all, I opened the door to see a little girl with her mother. The mother smiled cheerfully and said, “We’re canvassing for the SPCA. (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Would you care to donate?”
I looked at the little girl holding the donation box. She was bundled in a snowsuit with a scarf tied around her chin. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes sparkled almost as much as her mother’s. I looked behind them to the road where there were at least a dozen people, young and old singing Christmas carols. It was snowing gently and it glistened from the glow of the streetlamps. It was a beautiful moment.
Until I heard a voice say, “Sorry, not today.”
As I shut the door I couldn’t believe the words had come from my mouth. How could I say no to that little girl?
“Oh my God, I’m a terrible person,” I yelled instantly upon closing the door.
My son came downstairs and asked what happened.
I explained the situation and said, “To make matters worse, the little rosy-cheeked girl
held out a candy cane for me.”
“You didn’t take it, did you?” he asked, as if I’d committed a horrible act.
“Of course not,” I replied indignantly.
“And there were carolers with them out on the street,” I said, almost in tears. “Are they still there? I can’t look.”
“Yup, they’re two doors down.” he said, sounding disgusted.
I felt sick. “If I give you five bucks will you run it out to them?”
“No. I’m not going out there,” he replied.
“Twenty, I’ll give you twenty,‘ just tell them I wasn’t thinking clearly, the contractor was here, dad’s sick, I was making dinner . . .”
He wasn’t budging and I couldn’t face them.
Of all the times for me to say, ‘No!’
There have been so many times in my life I wished I could have had the courage to speak up and say no. ‘No, you can’t treat me this way. No, I won’t change who I am. No, I won’t let you make me feel this way,’ but I didn’t, or couldn’t.
As my son and husband ate dinner, I rambled on. “Well, I ‘d just spent so much money on Christmas gifts and groceries, and the contractor left a bill and . . .
“Let it go already, would you? Big deal, you said no,” my husband muttered.
I sighed. He didn’t know me as well as he thought he did. Saying no for me was a big deal.
But he was right. I’d learned how to say no, now I just had to learn to live with it. And tomorrow, as soon as I dropped off a donation at the SPCA, I’d start working on that . . .
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More commentsI second everything Fran said- because it's the same thing I would have said........ just throw some pretend-like water on those flames you feel licking at you.... they're not real anyway....Always- EllaGood answer Ella, as always. Merry Christmas!
Brianna, very good column. I'm with you all the way. I'm so tired of being asked repeatedly to donate that I believe I'll take a vacation and go some place that has banned donating for any cause. Is it permissable to send money without being asked?Thank you. Let me know where you decide to go. And yes, I think it's permissable, and probably the best way to donate. Merry Christmas. :)
Brianna, yet another great and highly amusing article!The thing is, the collectors actually rely on our feelings of guilt to get something out of us.I feel exactly like you do if I refuse.But refuse sometimes is what we have to do.Here in the UK, if you put cash in a tin for a charity, the government actually taxes the charity on the amount.I contribute to our RSPCA (ours is Royal - LOL) monthly and signed a waiver so the taxman has to keep his thieving hands off the contribution!That makes me feel a bit better if I don't put cash in a tin.Thanks for reading Bill I appreciate it. That sounds like a smart way to donate, at least you know where it's all going towards the charity. Merry Christmas.
Brianna, I ran into exactly the same issue with two different stops in one day, both asking for a Toonie. Like you, I gave to the first one and said "no" to the second one, and "everyone seems to be looking for assistance today". The clerk in turn said she totally understood and even hated to ask. Don't feel bad. For the two you and I didn't help out, someone else will and in turn will say "no" the next time. We can't save the world, but we can help where and when we can. Keep smiling!You're so right! When everyone gives a little, it helps a lot! Thanks for reading and taking time to comment. Merry Christmas!
hi brianna,
excellent article.
with money being so tight, i've actually imagined myself saying, "i don't have a dime, but if you want to contribute....." and i would have been honest!!
happy holidays,
my best,
sueHappy Holidays to you and your family too Sue. Thanks for reading and commenting.
That's great Brianna, you have said what so many people think and feel. Good therapy for those going through much the same thing, especially this time of year when it's obvious people are trying to cash in on people's giving nature. Although many of them are very needy and deserving charities, sometimes you do have to know when to draw the line. I'll bet not many people get to snuggle up to Bill Gates doorway in this manner, for good reason. So being so available sometimes we just have to learn to make the hard choices, besides as you said you always know where to go to make the appropriate donation if you indeed decide you might have erred on the wrong side. You do not strike me as somebody that could remotely be considered Scrooge-like. Great article.Thanks very much David. Merry Christmas to you.
My, my Brianna, I was all prepped for a juicy, salascious story, like, say, "I did a table dance at the VFW" for charity, of course. Maybe next time, eh? JB : > )Now John, you know me better than that. :) Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Face it Brianna, you're going to hell for this one...........................okay, not--but it was fun to say. That poor girl with the candy cane will probably end up in therapy till she's in her early 20's but don't worry, she'll eventually get over the trauma. Seriously though, I hate when stores ask for money--a dollar for this, a dollar for that--I never give. I was raised Catholic too, but I don't feel guilty about not giving--I give on my own terms in my own way--I suppose my old nuns would pop me for not having enough guilt...ha-ha. Great article again...Pop you, or slap you over the knuckles with the yardstick! Okay, I probably am going to hell for that one. Maybe I'll see you there? That was fun to say too! Thanks for reading and commenting Steve. Have a Merry Christmas!
I feel exactly the same as you do, I find it nearly impossible to say no. And then I feel guilty when I do and run debates through my head over and over again afterward. I think of it this way-there are plenty of filthy rich people donating to these causes, for their own reasons. Sometimes because they care, and sometimes just because they want to look good. I'd like to be able to donate tons of money but at the moment, I would just be unable to. But, I assure you, you are not a terrible person! The fact that you think about it after you say no shows that!I'm sure many feel the same and would like to be able to give more. Thanks for reading Sydney!
I must be your worst nightmare but here it is, I raise money for charity on a daily basis. I am good at it. It's not the gift of the gab, the fact I kissed the Blarney Stone or the fact I could sell snow to the eskimoes. It is plain manners. If I put forward a suggestion and am instantly refused I accept that and reassure givers I fully understand that in today's economy not everyone is in a position to donate.Every persons circumstances are different. I thank them for taking the time to speak with me and wish them all the best. Treat people like an ATM and they will spit out NO FUNDS AVAILABLE! Treat them with dignity and at the very worst a polite no.I give people credit for doing that, it's not easy I'm sure asking for money, but has to be done. You sound like you would be great at it and people benefit because of it. Thanks for giving us a view from the other persepective Jill.
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