Who Are These People and What Have They Done with My Friends?
Posted: Friday, December 10, 2010
by Brianna Popsickle
I wrote an article recently about getting older. It got lots of feedback probably because getting older is something everyone could relate to.
I’ve since come to the conclusion, like the saying goes, ‘you’re only as old as you feel’. On good days you might feel like a kid again, other days not so much.
I also realized it wasn’t just how I was feeling about getting older, but how people around me were handling the aging thing, that was getting to me.
“Really? What do they say’s great about it?” I asked, excited to hear something positive for a change.
“They say once you turn fifty you don’t care anymore,” she replied seriously.
“Don’t care about what?” I asked, optimism fading.
“You know, how you look, what you eat, pleasing people. You just don’t care about anything.”
That was the upside? Was she actually being serious? How could not caring possibly be seen as a good thing?
It didn’t help matters when my husband and I got together that weekend with people we hadn’t seen in quite some time. I immediately noticed little things like, low-rider jeans had been replaced with elastic-waist pants (you know, the kind our mother’s used to wear). And it looked as though cardigan sweaters had made a comeback. The shapeless baggy kind with the little flowers embroidered on the front.
The women at the end of our table, who used to be the first to hit the dance floor, were cheerfully discussing scrap-booking and diet supplements, (two things I’m saving for old-age). They seemed oblivious to the cool guys sitting at the bar. They were finishing each other’s sentences without a thought. One would start talking and trail off mid-sentence saying, ‘I’ve forgotten what I was going to say’ or ‘I can’t think of the word, you know what I mean …’
The guys had changed too. The obvious things like graying hair and the noticeable spare-tires, I could handle, it was their conversation that scared me.
They were comparing their latest aches and pains and talking with the same enthusiasm they used to have when talking about women and sports.
Not one, but two of our friends were suffering with gout. (Isn’t that an old person’s ailment?) When I heard the phrase ‘those were the good ‘ol days,’ I shrunk back in my seat and thought, ‘Who are these people and what have they done with my friends?’
Then the memory loss stories began. One woman told a story of her husband spending twenty-five minutes looking for his keys. They were nowhere to be found. Finally, hot from having his coat on inside, he took it off, only to have the keys fall from his sleeve. The long rope he’d put them on (so he wouldn’t lose them) had got tangled in his coat.
That was a story to which I could relate. If I had a dollar for every time my husband asked, ‘Where’s my wallet?’ I’d be rich. I shared the story of the time he lost it, and after looking unsuccessfully for two days I cancelled his credit cards. I’d no sooner done that and he walked in announcing he’d found it.
“Where was it?” I asked, knowing we had looked everywhere.
“On the roof,” he laughed. He spotted it from the street. It had fallen out when he’d worked on the shingles. The story got a good laugh and the conversation continued.
The men discussed retirement and pensions while some sipped Scotch (a far cry from their old beer drinking days). They were so enthralled with the conversation not one looked up when the blonde bar fly walked by. The women meanwhile were discussing hormone replacement therapy, and sleep patterns, as some started checking their watches.
I topped up my wine glass and took the long way to the washroom several times that night, knowing full well that one day I too would be exactly where they were, I just wasn’t there yet.
It was an early night, (at least I thought so). The following morning my husband got up and complained about a kink in his back and said he wished he’d gotten more sleep.
Recounting the previous night’s conversations I wanted to scream, ‘Just stop it. Stop it right now!’
Instead I said, “Geeze, you’re not even old yet.”
To which he quickly replied, “Well, I may not be old but I’m no ching-spricken.”
“Oh my God,” I thought. It was hopeless. Then we laughed and laughed.
As he smiled, I couldn’t help but notice the creases around his eyes and the gray in his beard. We’d been through a lot together. We’d come a long way.
I may not be ready to scrap-book just yet, and I suspect cool guys will catch my eye for a while. But as long as we can keep laughing as we grow old together, maybe it won’t be so bad after all.
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More commentsOh Brianna, you'll never be like those women you've described! We can't help that our bodies do their wretched thing (although David wrote an article about some miraculous discovery of an aging gene, I think). But we can surely help what we do with our minds and our optimism and everything else.I somehow just can't see you really getting into an animated discussion about gout or pensions or -oops having a hot flash here, excuse me while I tear off all my clothes - okay, maybe hormone replacement! - or wearing a shapeless baggy sweater with flowers on the front, even if you were 95!!!I love the story about your husband's wallet! Hmm, lot of exclamation marks here...My mother-in-law is 79 and a wild woman in the sense she is always up for a party, always helping someone by driving them somewhere, feeding kids breakfast at school, taking care of other seniors. She still proudly walks the beach in a bathing suit. She looks like a million bucks no matter where she's going. So much of it is the smile on her face and the enthusiasm in her eyes. That's the '79' I'm aiming for, although, some days I can't keep up with her now. :) Thanks for reading and commenting Jennifer. Loved your comment, very funny. Now put your clothes back on!Your mother-in-law sounds like a woman after my own heart Brianna!--- it's the spirit that has to stay young- can't just allow it to tag along after the aging body---sometimes it runs in the other direction....LOLMy mother-in-law is something else. I always say I hope I'm like that when I'm eighty, truth is I couldn't keep up now. :) Thanks Ella.
Boy, can I relate to this Brianna! I'm 68, but I absolutely REFUSE to engage in those kinds of conversations, wear baggy, cutsie cardigans, etc, etc, etc. Aging definitely has some down sides, mostly physical, but the mental stuff is definitely optional. (well, maybe aside from some of the 'lost item' stuff) :) BTW, wouldn't it be nice if advertisers included the over 50 gang in "the Looks" they promote???Yes it would be nice to see 'real' fifty year olds in commercials instead of women wearing pearls as they're lowered into a bathtub, and beautiful model types strolling the beach and flashing their bright, white smiles. You're right Joyce, we don't have control of some of the physical changes but we don't have to suddenly act old! Thanks for reading and commenting!I second those emotions!Something tells me you'll age gracefully Ella, but not without putting up a hell of a fight!I've been fighting quite a while now- although I'm getting a little tired of the battle- I'm not done yet!
I've still got a few bullets in my cylinder.........LLLOL
Brianna's at it again. You are definitely a celebrity of SearchWarp. :-) Think young, feel young, be childlike. Don't worry about the grey hairs, and balding heads. I try to keep myself young that way. The other day I just called up my friend who's married and with two kids and is only 36 - I asked him, "Did you watch the game today?" He takes a deep sigh and says, "Hmm...what for? I have two kids now and am a father. I shouldn't be watching games."
DMI can relate to your friend Mystic. When my children were very young I cut my long hair short thinking I should look more 'motherly'. Let's just say I let it grow back pretty quick. There are no 'shoulds' . It's all about how you feel and what works for you. Thanks for reading and commenting, nice to hear from you.
I guess when you thought they said, " fifty is great" that might imply their "sex life" but none. They didn't say anything like that. Was what you were thinking Brianna ?
If we can let go certain things when we are older that's good. Getting old is unavoidable.My husband's grandfather married his third wife in his eighties. I don't think your love life has to end just because you're older. I agree aging physically is unavoidable, but we have some control of our spirit. Thanks for reading and commenting Hilda.
Don't ever lose you sense of humor Brianna. It will always be your saving grace, well close to it. When someone tells says you should, ask them who holds the keys to should. Be yourself no matter what age you are. I need an injection of your humor whenever I can get it. Thanks.This was such a nice comment to wake up to Linda. I'm glad my article gave you a laugh. A laugh is like 'an apple a day'. :) Have a great one!
Great article. I am 65 and exercise regularly. I also still work and keep somewhat active. I have the aches and pains those people talked about but damned if I'll discuss it in a bar when I'm supposed to be having a good time. Did you get the blonde barfly's number, by the way? Never mind, My wife's coming. Pretend I didn't say anything.Look at you.! I never would have guessed you were 65. See. You prove my point. We may all be getting older but we don't have to suddenly start acting our age, do we? (And no I didn't get her number, and I won't say a word). So nice to hear from you Donovan!
hi brianna,
great article.
at 54, i'm just starting to believe my 3 kids are
old enough to be on their own.
through everything i've been through in my life,
unfortunately, mostly negative, the best i've felt
besides being with my kids, is while launghing.
thanks for a great read,
happy holidays,
my best to you,
sueYou are very welcome Sue! I am very needy when it comes to laughs too. Gotta have 'em! Have a great day.
Hi Brianna.
I loved this story. I laughed the whole way through it. It's sooo true that it's funny.
Okay, I'm gonna tell you this once and that's all ... you absolutely, for a fact, are only as old as you THINK you are. I'm 58 and I'm not "there" yet and I plan never to be. Sure, some parts don't always work as well as they once did, but it's how you look at it that matters. I'm all for keeping it in the best shape possible and staying active and having FUN. And that is sooo not scrapbooking. :)
Thanks so much for this! It was great. And very, very well written, too.
Hugs,
DianneLife is funny isn't it Dianne. I"m glad you caught my humour between the lines. I agree with you. Only now I"m worrying that when I am old and decide I'm ready to make scrap-booking my life, my name will be red-flagged and Scrapbooking clubs everywhere will ban me from joining. Thanks for reading Dianne!
Great article, and as we get older, it is surprising to see how some of the old partiers end up being the old fogies first.Isn't that the truth? I can almost handle getting older myself but I don't want to see the people I love getting old. Thanks Elle, I couldn't have said it better. :)
Brianna, thanks for the great story. I am 55 and don't want to go to reunions because I know how dissapointing it is to see and hear the guys who once ruled talk about their aches,pains, dysfunctional units, and retirement plans. A prescription might not be the answer if your mind is older than you are. I prefer to think young. I relish the time I get to spend with a few friends that still have that spark of life to look forward to every day as a chance for fun ,or even adventure, rather than a day closer to retirement.I like your attitude! It sounds like you know how to enjoy life. It sounds like you have some fun friends too. Thanks for reading and commenting!
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