Maybe It’s Never Too Late to Teach An Old Dog New Tricks
Posted: Thursday, November 25, 2010
by Brianna Popsickle
I was a good mother, but it wasn't always easy. Teaching your child right from wrong, teaching them forgiveness and patience is not always as black and white as one might think. I had a problem teaching my daughter the whole turn-the-other-cheek' thing. Literally.
When I was pregnant with her, I belonged to a pre-natal group. After the birth of our babies the group continued to get-together once a month, so our children could socialize. We mothers shared experiences, laughs and tears as we held our babies in our arms. It was wonderful until our children were able to walk and interact with one another on their own. Then it was a whole new ball game.
At first we shrugged it off, feeling bad for Rebecca's mother who did her best to get her to stop. After all, kids will be kids. Several times on the ride home my daughter (having experienced the wrath of Rebecca) would say, "Mommy, I don't like her." Being the good mother I was, I'd explain that Rebecca didn't intend to hurt anyone. She was just angry or frustrated and didn't know how to deal with her emotions. I told her to try to include Rebecca more and be nice to her, but if she attempted to pinch her again, tell her to stop, or walk away. Penelope Leach, the child-care expert I read faithfully, would have been proud.
As the meetings continued, so did the pinching. Rebecca's mother had long given up trying to stop her, and we other mom's no longer found it cute. One day Rebecca twisted a child's cheek so hard, she drew blood. Suddenly everything Penelope Leach had ever taught me, went out the window. I pulled my daughter aside and said, "If she comes near you, I want you to grab hold of her cheek, pinch as hard as you can, and don't let go."
Okay, I said I was a good mother, I never said I was perfect.
And there it was, my daughter's first lesson in self-defense, inter-acting with others in a dog-eat-dog world. Which brings me to what prompted me to write this article in the first place, my dog.
Where I succeeded as a mother, I failed as a pet owner. How do you teach a dog to defend itself? Casey, my twelve-year-old Brittany Spaniel has been well fed, well-exercised and loved for many years, but I never gave any consideration whatsoever to her social development. To be honest it never occurred to me. She was a dog. It wasn't until years later while speaking with other dog-owners I realized Casey was given the short end of the stick. Apparently socialization is as important to dogs as it is to kids.
Casey never went to obedience school, and she didn't go to Doggy Daycare. I was a bad mother.
Not only did she not do those things, when I walked her I never let her sniff (or mingle) with other dogs. Even when the dog's owner would say, Brutus, is just a big baby he wouldn't hurt a fly,' I would think, sure he's a big baby, until he isn't,' and pull Casey along.
One woman made it very clear she wanted her dog Hubert, to become friends with Casey. The word play-date was even mentioned. I couldn't believe my ears. I had to remind myself she was talking about her dog. I remember telling the story to my daughter, this woman talks as though Hubert and Casey are children.'
Once while we were walking, a loose dog ran from its' yard and lunged at Casey, sinking it's teeth into her side. The owner ran out calling his dog to no avail. He knelt on his dog and repeatedly punched it hoping to loosen it's grip, which eventually it did. Casey ran off bleeding and whimpering. We reported the incident.
It was scary but not nearly as frightening as the day I looked out the window to see my eleven-year-old daughter walking towards the house carrying Casey. A neighbour held a Rottweiler at bay with a snow shovel, as my daughter and Casey made it safely into the house.
You don't forget incidents like that. It's possible to teach children to defend themselves (like my daughter with Rebecca) but how do you teach a dog?
I asked our veterinarian why dogs showed aggression towards Casey. He told me they sensed her passive nature making her fair game'. It sounded a lot to me like the world in which I was living, aggressive people intimidating and taking advantage of people with more passive personalities.
From that point on I tightened the leash when walking her, and froze when a loose dog came toward us. If someone approached us while walking their dog, I'd say hello and keep moving.
But the other day something changed all that. The contractor working on my kitchen had become fond of Casey. Casey has become fond of him. One day he arrived with his dog Marley. He'd had a feeling they would hit it off. It turned out he was right.
We watched from the window as Casey chased Marley around the yard. They drank from the same dish and lay next to one another when they tired out. It was beautiful. I told him how I'd avoided other dogs all these years, and he said it was heaven for dogs to play with other dogs.
I felt bad. I felt bad for what Casey had missed, due in part to my fears of her getting hurt.
These days when I walk her, I stop whenever we meet someone walking a dog. I've relaxed, and surprisingly Casey seems to have relaxed too. She spends a couple of minutes sniffing the other dog and sometimes plays with them. We continue on our way and after taking a couple of steps she stops and looks up at me, as if for approval. I bend down and pat her and say, "Good girl, Case, you've made a friend!"
Life is funny. We all want to be loved and accepted and we truly want to believe the best of everyone. But sometimes our past experiences and innermost feelings prevent us from putting ourselves out there. The fear of being hurt is too great.
I guess what I learned from Casey, (and I know how ridiculous that must sound), is if you never put yourself out there, you may be preventing the hurt, but you may be missing out on something even greater.
Sometimes people are going to pinch your cheek. Sometimes they're going to try to take a bite out of you. But sometimes they're going to love and accept you for who you are.
Love and friendship can come with a cost. In the end it all depends on what you're willing to risk.
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)I love dogs though I don't personally have at my home.Good article for them who have dogs at home...Keep it up...Thanks for reading and commenting Chiradeep. I appreciate it!
Wow, thanks for sharing this nice story with us. I felt a bit emotional reading this.You're welcome. Funny you should say that because I read it aloud to my husband which I never do, and I got all choked up as well. Thanks for reading.
God, I love that photograph! Your story is such a great analogy, it doesn't sound ridiculous to me at all. I've holed myself up so that I couldn't be hurt again, and sure it kept me safe, but it's such a lonely place to be. I think you're right, it's better to take the risks.I hope you're taking risks again. I love that picture too. She looks pretty happy for a dog who went years with no 'doggy' friends. :)Thanks for reading and commenting Jennifer. Have a great weekend!
Really nice, Brianna, Really nice. You can't live fully without taking some chances.You're right about that Joyce. Thanks for your comment.
Enjoyed your story very much. Funny how we go to such great pains to feel protected, when in the end we have to take all the fences down.Taking down the fences is easier said than done isn't it? Thanks for reading and commenting Linda, I appreciate it.
Brianna, for years I was a lot like Casey. I find as I get older I take less crap from people. Kind of like Lorrie's dog, RiCA, who as she approaches 13 is becoming more possessive about her space and refusing to let my dog, Sasha, bully her around. I'm still putting myself out there but willing to bare fangs when necessary. Great article!It is so nice to hear from you Danny. I hope as I get older I learn to not let the crap affect me so much. I need to grow some b___, I mean fangs. :) Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.
Brianna, this is simply an amazing article, offering needed insights into life, taught us by a child and a dog. Sometimes we seem to forget that they can teach us far more than we can ever teach them. And I do agree, it can be difficult, but necessary, to not avoid the pinches and the bites and remain open to love and all that life offers. Thanks for writing this.
You understood perfectly George. I'm amazed at how much I learn from my children. Thank you for reading and commenting. Also thanks for joining my fan club. I appreciate it.
What a great article! We have two dogs and two cats, so they are socialised within our four walls, but my German Shepherd does not take to other dogs when we take him on walks at all! He doesn't attack, but he does get uptight, and as he's quite big, we don't want to take any chances. Funnily enough, he plays beautifully with our 6 month old kitten - hide and seek and tag! She is tiny compared to him, yet they are firm friends - perhaps a lesson in how different 'species' can interact if they want to??I love that! It must be beautiful to see your German Shepherd playing with the kitten. They certainly could teach humans a thing or two on how to get along with one another. Thanks for reading and commenting Anne, and for joining my fan club. I appreciate it!
from this old dog, I agree. I'm still learning every day...well done Brianna ! Always enjoy your contributions - DaveI always enjoy your comments (and contributions) as well. Thank you Dave!
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