Getting Older Sucks and Anyone Who Says It Doesn’t Is Lying
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010
by Brianna Popsickle
I was reading an article called Becoming Invisible, written by a woman who'd just turned fifty. I was laughing out loud as I read. Gradually though, my laughter turned to sobs as I became aware of what lay ahead for me.
As I reached for a tissue, the phone rang. It was the receptionist at my doctor's office.
"We've scheduled you for a mammogram and a bone density scan," she said, "It's routine at your age."
And there it was, the turning point. The days of parent-teacher interviews, kids soccer games and PTA meetings making way for colonoscopies, root canals, and shopping for fiber and toothpaste for sensitive gums. This is when everything will start to fall apart.
Everyone says, ‘You're only as old as you feel.' Actually everyone doesn't say that. Younger people, with a there-there attitude tell you that to make you feel better. Older people clinging to the hope it's true, tell you that too. But we all know the truth. You are as old as you are. There's nothing you can do to change it. No amount of Botox, Collagen, or hair dye is going to stop you from getting old.
But still there are those who fight it. Women flock to cosmetic counters clutching ads they've torn from magazines while waiting for their latest cosmetic procedure.
They believe what they read. They want to believe it. They want the cosmetician to reassure them using the product will make them look younger. Men will notice them. They'll feel alive again!
Although there may be products that can smooth and tighten, I think it's more likely as weeks go by they'll forget what their wrinkles looked like to begin with, and when they look in the mirror they'll see what they want to see.
Advertising executives are smart, or we're really dumb. They label products with words like age-defying, anti-wrinkle, and anti-aging. I've never met anyone who's pro-aging, have you? They name their products things like Visible Lift and Age-Rewind. Really? Are you kidding me? Because if they can actually rewind the clock, I'd like to go back a couple of years please.
Aging is a gradual thing. You begin to notice subtle changes like when people stop referring to you as Miss. When you hear the word Ma'am you look around to see who they're talking to. Box-boys no longer fight over who gets to carry out your groceries. They draw straws to see who has to. Get-togethers with girlfriends always begin with someone fanning their face and asking, ‘Does anyone else find it hot in here?' Suddenly there's no mistaking the junior section for your size anymore, as you hold up a pair of jeans that wouldn't fit one leg. You know you're in the right section when every article of clothing seems to have a flower embroidered in the corner.
Remember those ‘tween' years, when you weren't a kid but you weren't a teenager either? You go through the same thing all over again in your forties. You can't use the parking spots reserved for young mothers (where were those when I was toting two toddlers shopping with me years ago) and you're not old enough to get the free coffee, donuts and discount on Seniors day. Why are we always overlooked? Why aren't there parking spots reserved for women over forty who have bunions the size of golf balls?
When I was younger there were two things I looked forward to about getting older. First I thought by the time I got to this age I'd have it all figured out.
Well I don't.
Secondly, I expected that as you got older everyone would automatically treat you with respect.
Well I'm not seeing it. Men who used to trip over themselves to open a door for me, now trip over me to rush through the door.
I'm tired of being told how great the golden years are going to be.
I've had it with those ads with the beautiful, stylish silver-haired woman with her equally handsome husband (sweater tied loosely over his shoulders) walking hand in hand on the beach or dancing the night away. My husband and I didn't look that good in our thirties. I'm certainly not foolish enough to believe we're going to look like that ten years from now. No. I'm guessing this is as good as it gets.
I'm skeptical when it comes to advertising. Just like I didn't buy it when the girl looked thrilled to be riding horseback in her white capris while having her period, I don't really trust that I'm going to be thrilled as I'm lowered into the bath with a electronic gizmo, or be happy bouncing off walls as I whip around on my motorized scooter in my senior's complex, as the commercials would have you believe.
Sure, you're only as old as you feel. I want to know who feels better at this age? Whose knees don't crackle like tissue paper when they sit down or climb stairs. Who doesn't have to suck in their stomach when they think someone's looking their way? And really at this age, when is anyone ever looking?
My mother would say I'm being too cynical. She's eighty. She says when she looks in the mirror she wonders who that old woman is staring back at her because inside she still feels young. She thinks of herself as being fifty.
Maybe I am being too cynical, maybe aging isn't something to be dreaded. It is after all, inevitable. As my husband often says (after witnessing our parent's experiencing a ‘senior' moment) ‘We've all got it coming.'
Yes, we've all got it coming. But what's the alternative?
Maybe we just need to be easier on ourselves. When we look in the mirror and see that older face staring back, remind ourselves that whether we're fifty or eighty, we're still the same person inside. It's just the packaging that's changed.
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More commentsIt’s a product the way society thinks. Aging is a wonderful process but you do have to have the spirit (mind set) to deal with it. You will find this in you inside and not outside of you.Fighting means to me what I resist…persists. I don’t have any regular scheduled medical checkups because I don’t believe in that stuff. I don’t swallow any medication…which should do this or that.However I’m respecting humans who are doing the opposite because it is their path and luckily we all can choose. Isn’t that a real gift?I agree, choice is a gift. We can choose to use products that promise us the fountain of youth, have cosmetic surgery or try to age gracefully while keeping a sense of humour. Whatever works and keeps us happy, because in the end it's all about how you feel inside. Thanks for reading and commenting Walter.
Hi Brianna.
There were some real chuckles in there. But despite that I can feel that it is a serious look at getting older.
Honestly, I think growing older gracefully is the key. Acceptance, while hard to achieve sometimes, is the key. It's like swimming against the current. You can fight it, but it takes a lot of effort and you don't always get very far. I'm trying to go with the flow and deal with all the little problems as they come up.
I've been lucky that's for sure. My knees don't crackle when I stand up, but I can't sit on the floor as long as I used to and expect to spring right back up. I still fit in my wedding dress (was married at 23 and am now 58) and I am not lying when I say that I am in better physical condition than when I was 30.
Still, the face that looks back at me from the mirror is sometimes a shock and I understand your mother completely.
It's sad that elders don't get much respect these days. But I find that revising my expectations is beneficial. You won't miss what you don't expect. Doesn't mean that I lower my standards though. It's a fine line sometimes.
Sorry if this is coming off like a lecture, but more than anything else I want everyone to be happy. I know that my methods will not work for everyone, but I feel compelled to share them nonetheless. I'm a hopeless meddler. :)
Big hugs,
DianneI'm in good shape but I think my wedding dress (from 25 years ago) might be a little snug. People usually mistake me for being much younger than I am, so I think it probably is all about how I'm feeling on a particular day. Obviously when I wrote this it was 'one of those days'. I too am going to try to age gracefully, we'll see how that works for me. :) Thanks for reading and commenting Dianne. Feel free to 'lecture' me any time, as you put it. To me it's good advice from someone who I've come to consider a friend.Hey! Only a little snug is good! :) And oh boy, is it ever about how you are feeling. When I'm happy I'm usually smiling and that pulls the jowls up a bit and gives me an excuse for the crow's feet. :) There is a bounce in my step and I just feel younger.
As for aging gracefully ... for me it's an ongoing battle. Most days I succeed. But sometimes I look at the young people and think that I should still be young ... or at least look young. Sometimes I find it unfair that I think of myself as young but look old. It's a terrible dilemma. Oh well, we are all a work in progress, right?
And I consider you to be a friend also. Isn't it great!
Hugs,
Dianne
I think you said it all when you said it is just the packaging that has changed. I just turned 60, but at times still feel like an 18 year old, that is until I try to stand up again after having been on my hands and knees doing some work around the house.Thanks for reading and commenting David. I appreciate it!
"Getting older" is certainly a desired state- considering the alternative-It's "How" we get older that matters- To me the key is not giving up- on anything that I am still able to do- Physically or mentally- What's in your mind, will show on your face- and in your life-Thanks Brianna- interesting article-Always- EllaI stopped in on my son at work yesterday. He told me his co-workers said, "Was that your mom? She's hot." I said that was nice to hear because I've been of the 'getting older' mindset lately. It proved to me aging isn't about a number, it's really about how we feel inside. I need to remind myself of that on those 'feeling older' days. Thanks Ella.
I loved this article. I'm actually 17, but I found this to be an excellently written and educational article, and I really enjoy your style of writing.
The only remedy to aging, is loving ourselves regardless what changes happen to our bodies and in our lives. When we're beautiful to ourselves, nothing can defeat us. Every commercial you see is for smoother, wrinkle free skin, removing the bags from your eyes, looking younger in any way possible, but the only thing one can do is refuse to allow the media and television and disillusioned, blind people to tell us what beauty is and not judge ourselves by other's standards.
When I'm "old", I may not look "young", my joints may crack, I may ache and feel tired, but I can truly promise you that no one will know it because I will be a cocky old woman, to the very end.
I may not fit the rest of the world's standards, but I can fit my own standards, and my standards are what are most important to me.
I can truly, truly tell you that some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, in my opinion, were women in their 50's, 60's, and above.
What is beautiful about them is their dignity and confidence. They refuse to give up.
We can only stop the changes that aging makes to our bodies so much, but we have complete and utter control over our confidence.
When we define beauty for ourselves, we can always measure up to that beauty.
There's something beautiful, and unmatchable, about a dignified and confident woman.
A woman who is confident about herself, regardless of what life throws at her, is irreplaceable.
The grace that comes with confidence gives a woman an unmistakable, unmatchable beauty that can't be copied by any "young" girl.
And any man would appreciate a woman who loves herself, for herself, completely.
If he can't, he clearly doesn't deserve to be in the presence of a powerful woman, because a powerful woman is a woman who knows, from inside and out, to the very core of her being, what she's worth.
A woman who respects herself for the beautiful, unique creature that she is wears an armor than none can pierce.
No matter what happens to my body, my promise to myself is that to myself, I'll still be absolutely beautiful.
I don't care what happens to me, and I don't care what other people think. Because if they look at me, when I've aged like fine wine, and don't see me for the beautiful, unique woman that I am, then I can only pity their narrow sight.
There's no doubt in my mind that on any given day, when you wake up in the mornings with no makeup on, you are absolutely beautiful, as beautiful as any young woman could ever be, in every way. And when you look at yourself, love and accept yourself, and be happy with yourself, because you deserve it.
I truly mean it.
We may not have control over aging's effects on our body, but we have complete control over our minds, and you are clearly a very intelligent lady.
Best wishes,
SydneyYou're very wise for seventeen. Very sweet as well. Thank you for your comment. I've landed in a position in the beauty business, and although I see no problem with people wanting to look their best, I draw a line. I see women in a panic every day over each new wrinkle. It's sad they are so caught up in the advertising being thrown at them. I'm also dealing with aging parents and see the obstacles they're facing. The day I wrote the article I wasn't thrilled about what was in store with regards to aging. I'm far from 'old' and get mistaken for being much younger than I am actually. But despite my looks, I have days, where I feel the 'getting older thing'. It proves to me it's not just about how we look it's about how we feel. Judging by the feedback, I think many agree. You're right when you say confidence and dignity is beauty. I have no doubt you'll be a beautiful, cocky old woman some day. You go girl! Thanks for reading and commenting, and I'm glad you like my style! :)
What a complete article. I am 30 and I feel old...thanks for the honest talk.You are only 30. You are not old! State of mind okay? I'm up for honest talk anytime. :) Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it!
Great article and how true. Since getting arthritis in my hip, the amount of whinging and moaning is just so annoying, not to mention the pain and the limping.
I'm curious about the original article. Where can I find a copy of it? I'd like to read it too.
Thanks again for the great article.I'm sorry to hear about your arthritis. It's so much easier to grow old gracefully and enjoy ourselves if our health will allow for it. I hope it improves for you. Thanks for reading and commenting. The article Becoming Invisible was in More Magazine and quite funny.
Ok sweetie!! You definitely need a new mirror! One thing i can assure you, the one you have must not be working right! The consensus in this house is that you are one gorgeous looking woman and that comes from both the male and female alike. You could fool anyone into thinking you are thirty. So grab your man and strut your stuff! You have a lot of living left to do.
I, for one, will be fighting this aging thing all the way to the end!Wow! Thanks for the out-of-this-world comment. Also thanks for joining my fan club. After a comment like that I'll be a fan of yours for life. :) Have a great day.
you're a good writer.Thank you Isaac. I haven't written in quite a while and yours was a nice comment to wake up to. Have a great day.
I'm sorry you feel this way about aging. Me? BRING IT ON! Worship of the young started in the 60s and has gotten younger. Age knows EVERYTHING! Don't fall into that trap that someone, or some thing, makes you feel bad about yourself. Your brain alone will keep you younger than just about everyone you meet. Youth is stupid. And it'll take a long time for them to find this out. You're finished with your growing years, discovering yourself and learning about the world. Now it's PARTY TIME! You speak from experience! You already know what you need to know! Now, you're a Guru! A Teacher! A voice and a brain to be reckoned with! And being female, you're part of 53+% of the population -- and they have the nerve to call women a minority?! Oh, babe, life has just begun . . . and since we are older, it's all on our terms!
You write very well . . . very smooth . . . it's lovely to have your gears in motion!This was very encouraging! You are right in many respects. Bring it on! No choice really right? Thanks so much for reading and commenting Octavia. I appreciate it and am glad to hear you enjoy my work.
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