Sometimes Coffee Just Means Coffee . . .
Posted: Sunday, October 17, 2010
by Brianna Popsickle
My divorced friend often laments it's hard to meet men. I've suggested she spend a few hours browsing Home Depot on a Saturday but so far she hasn't taken my advice. I think in order to find a man you have to go where the men are. It makes perfect sense, and it's something I think the guys have figured out. At least, due to some experiences I've had while shopping, it seems that way.
"Yes it is," I replied.
He went on to tell me it was a good sign and that he too was a Pisces. He was very nice and interesting. The conversation went on for a few moments with him doing most of the talking. He shared pretty much his life story with me before I excused myself to find my daughter. When I found her and told her I thought I'd been hit on, she laughed and laughed. We browsed some more and a while later went to the check out.
The cashier looked at me and asked, "Are you a Pisces?"
Thinking things were getting more peculiar by the moment I said, "Yes, how did you know that?"
She handed me the Pisces mug. "A gentleman purchased this and asked me to give it to you."
My daughter's eyes got huge. "Just our luck mom," she said. "Why couldn't you have been shopping for a car?"
That was a nice experience and there have been a few. Once I met a man while shopping in a home decor store. He really knew what he was doing , that's one place a man is sure to meet a woman. He'd recently divorced and was decorating his new apartment located conveniently nearby. He wondered if I could give him some decorating advice. He threw in the fact that he loved animals, was a great cook and had five sisters that loved him dearly. He alluded to lunch. Yes, he was very clever and smooth, but a little slow in noticing my wedding band, thus wasting valuable time on me.
There was one incident shopping though that wasn't so pleasant and I'd just as soon forget.
I was packing groceries into the back of the van when someone said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you shopping."
I looked up, surprised to see a man I'd noticed earlier in the store. He was nice looking, wearing a suit and tie, one of those traveling salesmen types with the clipboard and briefcase, who have the manager and employees falling all over them.
"I was wondering if you'd like to go for a coffee?" he asked, extending his hand and adding, "I'm James."
"Nice to meet you," I said a little hesitantly. "But no, I'm sorry I can't."
"There's a coffee shop just up the road," he went on.
"No, I'm sorry I really can't," I repeated, loading the groceries a little quicker.
"Why not? You can trust me," he continued. "We can drive there in separate cars."
He explained he traveled to that store and others in the area once or twice a month and it would be nice to have a friend to go for coffee with.
He seemed to be getting irritated.
People have accused me of being naive in the past, but this guy wasn't fooling me. He didn't want a friend to have coffee with once a month. Who was he trying to kid, and why did he choose me?
He tried complimenting me and continued to push, at which point I said, " I can't, and I don't think my husband would approve."
I started feeling a little nervous, finished loading the groceries and quickly got in the van, locking the door.
"It's just coffee," he said. "Gimme a break."
I would have liked to give him a break-in the arm, or the ankle perhaps-but instead drove home and asked my husband, "Do I have stupid, or worse, easy written on my forehead?" I told him the story. "Do you think coffee meant coffee? I asked, or was I reading too much into it?
The incident left me feeling a little uneasy. I'm a friendly, outgoing person, I like meeting people, but I didn't want to give anyone the wrong idea.
Around the time of the parking lot encounter, I'd just joined my first co-ed gym. I found myself pretty much keeping to myself except for the occasional conversation with other women or some of the older men. I knew they were safe and wouldn't get the wrong idea if I were friendly to them.
When I say older, I mean older. Once I mentioned to one of the men it was my daughter's birthday and she was turning twenty-two. He said what a coincidence it was his son's birthday too. When I asked him how old his son was he replied, "Sixty-one." See, I'm not exaggerating. He was old.
One day however, I'd just finished my workout and was leaving the change room when a younger guy approached me. "Hey, good workout? I'm Rob, by the way. I was just going to grab a coffee, would you like to join me?"
I immediately thought of parking lot guy and became flustered. I blurted the first excuse that came to my mind.
"I can't." I said. "I haven't showered."
I haven't showered? What the hell was that? I'm sorry I can't drink coffee unless I've showered?
There was silence. It couldn't have been more awkward. He looked a little puzzled.
"Okay, well, maybe another time," he said, wandering away.
As he got towards the door another guy was walking out and I heard James say, "Hey Bill, I'm going for a coffee, wanna come?"
I got to the car and sat there saying, "Stupid, stupid, stupid." Why couldn't I have come out with something witty like, Does your mother know you drink coffee? or Sorry, it's after eleven, I only drink red wine.
Gaaad.
Embarrassed as I was, I did learn a few things that day. Suddenly I had a whole new appreciation for what my friend must go through with first meetings, mixed signals, the whole men are from Mars, women are from Venus thing. I learned not all guys are like parking lot guy. There are decent men out there just trying to make a connection.
But most importantly?
I learned-not always, but sometimes-coffee just means coffee . . .
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More commentsI envy you your experiences, and especially your ability to write about them in such an entertaining way.Thank you Joyce. That's quite a compliment coming from such a talented writer such as yourself.
You've made my day, Brianna! Definitely slot this one into your TV show! I'm still laughing at your response to the decent guy! I'm always blurting out things like that. The nice-looking salesman, with his absolute arrogance and incredible nerve, really pressed my buttons - I would have applauded you tripping him up!Can you beleive that Jennifer? I haven't showered? Anyway, I would have given the salesman credit for trying at least, if he hadn't become so pushy. It was like he'd never heard NO before. Who hasn't heard no? Thanks for reading and commenting!
You do write with great humor and I can always look forward to at least a quiet giggle or two. I would think it would be scary for people to be on the dating scene these days.Thanks Linda. I'm glad I can provide you with a giggle or two. Dating is a whole new ball game now. In many ways I don't envy my single friend, except for the fact that I know she will find that special someone and then she will have the experience of falling in love again. And there's nothing quite like that!
Coffee always means coffee. That's why its coffee and the mileu its in. I am 61. I can tell you coffee means coffee. Now, the step after coffee, that's different.Well if coffee means coffee I should have taken him up on it and had a fritter while I was at it. :) Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment Christofer. I appreciate it.
Great story, but not a great pick up line from your admirer!!Well not one that worked, that's for sure. :) Thanks for reading and commenting.
Don't kid yourself; with men, coffee NEVER means 'just coffee'.
You were absolutely right to trust your visceral gut reactions and not second guess them; the first guy was married and lied to you.
The second, had you mentally totally undressed and duct taped and was most clearly a serial rapist and murderer.
The third, the oldest coffee asker, was a Viagra user who was very self tired of the game of ring-toss and was hoping for an after coffee apertif of a popsickle with a Brianna flavor.
Men are easy to read and since you have finally become proficient, always trust your intuitions; with men, coffee NEVER means, just coffee.....
Much affection,
A tea drinker,
PaulOne of the best things about writing articles is anticipating the comment Paul Schroeder will leave. You never disappoint. Thank you for reading and commenting. :) - Brianna -How about a cup of coffee?I happen to enjoy coffee. You however, as you mentioned, are a tea drinker. :)You missed the whole implied aside.Actually no I didn't Paul. Nothing I enjoy more than a good cup of coffee. :)Men often wish that women were as abjectly carnal as men were; perhaps, if men WERE women, they'd be waiting down at the docks for the incoming fleet with their skirts pulled over their heads.....
Humorous article and I can imagine being single again and playing in that world again...it can be a lousy experience.
Nice
Steve
I can't imagine either Steve, especially as we get older. It's a whole new ball game as my girlfriend says, or as Ella put it, it's a jungle out there! Thanks for reading and commenting Steve.
The funny thing is that it goes both ways. I have had women be just as smooth or aggressive, but at least I wasn't wearing a wedding band. In your case, they should have at least done their homework. I suppose your daughter has had her share of individuals too, that likely mirror the experiences you have had. I always find it entertaining to hear stories of goofy/awkward/hitting-on human behavior. There's a TV show right there, premise is that someone has to get asked for coffee or some such thing during the show... it would be called "Getting Hit On" Hmmmm.....
Thanks for the article!
-BrombergThat sounds like it would be a fun, and interesting show Bromberg. Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it. - Brianna-
Hi Brianna.
Very entertaining and well written! You never disappoint me. I always know you will have written something engaging and insightful. Thanks so much!
Hugs,
DianneThanks Dianne I'm glad I haven't disappointed you yet! Hope you had a laugh. Have a great day. - Brianna-
LOVE this, Brianna. Parking Lot Guy was a jerk...and your instincts were right on. As for the rest of those 'nice guys'...well, I suppose we get out of practice, you know? Being married sometimes makes for less exposure to these kind of things. Nothing wrong with that, you know? I say you're NOT naive...just a bit more open than most. Don't stop being who you are. Lessons learned, eh?Yes. Lessons learned and still learning. Thanks Camille. Have a great day!
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