My Husband Thinks I’m a Germaphobe
Posted: Monday, August 23, 2010
by Brianna Popsickle
My husband thinks I'm a germaphobe but I'm not. He grew up in a household of boys whereas I grew up in a household of girls. Sometimes our idea of what's acceptable varies.
Once, on vacation, his luggage got lost and I caught him reaching for my toothbrush.
"What do you think you're doing?" I asked.
"Borrowing your toothbrush," he answered innocently.
We'd been married twenty years. Wouldn't you think he'd know sharing my toothbrush was out of the question? Surely he hadn't used it before?
Instead of using mine, he gave money to a hotel porter to pick him up some essentials. He brought back a toothbrush still in its package, only I noticed it had already been opened. It didn't seem to matter to my husband though, and once again I had to rip it from his hand.
Incidents like that cause him to think I'm a germaphobe. But I don't think I'm the only person who would react that way. And as far as that goes, doesn't everyone flush a public toilet with their foot, use a paper-towel to turn taps on and off, and to open the door? Doesn't everyone carry hand-sanitizer with them at all times, avoid touching handrails, operate a bank machine using only one finger, rinse their clothes twice, and leave a line-up when they notice the person scooping the ice-cream is the same person handling the cash?
Well, doesn't everyone? Exactly! So it's not me. It's him.
When we were dating he'd take me to eat at restaurants like Aunt Jenny's Kitchen or Pud's All-Day Breakfast. Once, on the road, he took me to Tom's Hard Luck Roost for Thanksgiving dinner.
He said places like that had character and good home-cooked food. I got past the plastic flowers and tablecloths, the smeared cutlery and the fact that the turkey was actually turkey loaf. But when a waitress walked from the kitchen with a cat trailing behind her, my meal was over.
Cats. It isn't that I don't like them. I do. I just have a thing about them going from the litter box, to the kitchen counter, to the top of the table on which you're about to eat. That doesn't work for me.
Jake , my mother-in-law's twenty-pound, long-haired, green-eyed, feline devil, has free reign of the house. Once, I caught him licking my child's toothbrush on the vanity, and he's constantly being shooed from the tabletop.
He can do no wrong in my mother-in-law's eyes though, and she laughed as she shared this story with me. My brother-in-law had visited with his new girlfriend, Susan. They stayed for the night and in the morning Susan showered. She came out of the washroom with her hair wrapped up in a big gray towel. Jake's towel, it turns out. He slept on it, threw up on it and God knows what else, and there it was wrapped around Susan's clean hair. My mother-in-law didn't have the heart to tell her, and when she told me the story, I laughed til I cried.
Ever notice how things are so much funnier when they happen to someone else?
We visited my mother-in-law on the weekend. I grabbed a clean towel and headed for the shower, snickering again at the thought of poor Susan.
When I finished, I dried off, slathered on lotion, applied make-up, dressed, then reached for a comb and started on my hair. The comb had obviously come from my hairdresser/sister-in-law, as it looked just like the latest steel wide-tooth model I'd recently seen in a fashion magazine.
As I combed my hair, I looked down at the sink and noticed a dish filled with water. Jake. He liked to drink from the bathroom sink so she left a bowl for him.
Jake. Jake. Jake.
Suddenly, I thought of his long gray hair. I looked at the comb then down at the dish.
No. It couldn't be.
I opened the bathroom door and yelled, "This comb on the back of the toilet . . ."
My mother-in-law came running. "Oh, don't use that comb. It's Jake's."
Son- of-a b _ _ _ _!
I tore off my clothes and jumped back in the shower. When I exited the bathroom two hours later, I heard my mother-in-law on the phone recounting the story and laughing hysterically. I was not impressed.
My husband and daughter looked at me tight-lipped trying hard to keep a straight face. They were waiting to see if I'd crack, but I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction.
I am NOT a germaphobe! I thought .
I shrugged it off and acted like I didn't care, the whole time suppressing the urge to scratch my head. "If I start purring or licking myself, you might want to rush me to the hospital," I joked. I gritted my teeth and faked a smile at my mother-in-law. "Where did you get the comb? I'd like to get one."
"It's just for cats," she replied. "I got it at the church rummage sale."
Holy mother of God! I thought . How many cats had it been used on?
GAAAAAD!
That night I was eating a piece of pie with cut-up peaches and blueberries. My daughter's boyfriend (who had declined dessert) asked if he could have one of my peaches. I was a bit taken aback, but said okay, thinking he would take one with his fingers. Instead, he took my fork, stabbed a peach and slid it into his mouth. Then handed me back my fork.
My daughter sat wide-eyed looking at me with her mouth gaping open. She knows me better than anyone. I felt my face go red and looked at him in total shock.
"What?" he said confused. "You said I could have one."
"I said you could have a peach! I didn't say you could use my fork!" At that he went to the kitchen and got me a clean one.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't know you had a thing about germs."
"Excuse me?" I said. "A thing about germs? A thing about germs? Me?"
Suddenly it hit me. I couldn't deny it any longer.
"You didn't know?" I said exasperated. "How could you not know? Everyone knows!"
"Knows what?" he asked confused.
I stood up and sighed and turned to the room.
"I'm Brianna," I said. "And I am a germaphobe."
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More commentsHi Brianna.This was a great big tennis (straight from a dog's mouth) ball of fun! My mom had a spoon that was used only to scoop dog food from the can into our dog's bowl. I got the idea as a kid that there was something seriously wrong with dog food and wondered why she continued to feed it to our poor dog. She also had a can opener that was used only on the cans of dog food. What was up with that? Maybe you can relate. :)For a lot of years, I fed our cat from bowls that Bernd and I also sometimes use. Recently, I bought her some of her own bowls simply because they were cute ... and on sale. But when they are all dirty, I will still use a "people" bowl to feed her. I mean, I wash the darn things, so what should be the bother?But don't worry Sweetie, you're not alone. My husband is pretty relaxed about it, but I think he secretly is a bit bothered about germs. When I bought a new electric toothbrush (it came with only one head) that I simply adore, I offered to let him try it. He wouldn't. But he kisses me all the time and drinks from the same glass. Go figure. :)As I said in the beginning, this was a load of fun.Hugs,DianneI'm so with your mom on the separate can opener for the dog food. Don't ask me why. It just seems so gross. As for sharing the toothbrush I'm with Bernd on that. I mean, I love to kiss, and have probably kissed a few toads. But I've never shared a toothbrush! (At least not that I'm aware of.) Thanks Dianne! BTW I like the new picture with the ball cap. Very cool!
This should put you over the top! Great article.I'd love to reply to your comment Ray, but the words are being blocked with the little logos under your picture. All I can make out is eat article. I'm assuming you may have said great article! If that's the case, thank you very much!
Great story Brianna. Your article really conveyed how hard it is for you to surrender to your weakness but that is the beginning of becoming strong. I love the humor you inject into your article as it makes for an even better read. I especially loved the ending. Thanks for sharing.Thanks Linda. What's great about revealing your weakness is finding there are people who can relate. Before long I'll have everyone on SearchWarp revealing their dirty little secrets. Just kidding. Thank you for reading and commenting, I appreciate it!
BriannaI had to laugh. I have a 17 year old daughter who has said many of the same exact comments to me. She will not use public bathrooms, is constantly walking around the house with germ x cleaning things that she has to touch, gets put off if you sneeze into even the crook of your arm.I get lessons on the dangers of different germs, what they can do, and what body parts they affect on a molecular level. I will be having her read this tonight. Laughs.The good news is that she is a senior in high school and a freshman in college (studying bugs of all things) this year with the aspiration of eventually becoming an infectious disease doctor specializing in tropical disease. So your germophobe is based on scientific molecular biology somehow am sure. GrinsGreat read. Thank you. MwahThat's so funny she will be studying bugs of all things! Thanks for reading and commenting Carla, and tell your daughter she is not alone. :)BriannaIt is called Entimology - bugs spread germs LOL
Brianna, this is a terrific article and subject matter to share. I can so relate but to my knowledge have only been a germaphobe for about six-seven years and it started with unsanitary working conditions in a state-of-the-art building. I just became so aware of how serious catching dreadful diseases could be by virtue of worker's negligence. It's like, you don't take chances with exposure to TB and to other serious conditions in work environments. I haven't been able to touch a door knob, grocery cart and not carry a hand sanitizer with me at all times since this awareness. Many people are thoughtless at taking chances spreading germs. It's been a real eye opening just as your article as been, my friend. Take care! suzyYou know most people make light of germs, but when you're faced with what you described in the workplace Suzy, it takes on a whole other light, and is a serious matter. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.
What a great article: the cat following the waitress--husband wanting to use your toothbrush and someone using your fork--you're not a germaphobe--your funny!SteveThanks Steve! Do you mind telling that to my husband?
Humorous and a woman's story. About the public toilet, my bro-in-law could be worse. He won't allow his boys (last time when still young) to ever hold or touch the door handle whatsoever, deep issue typical and even their elbows best not to rest on the table when eating outside. If go to pizza hut, they can only drink 1/2 glass of coke or root beer . No more no less. The boys grown now and about 16 going 17............Your brother-in-law really did have some issues. I knew a guy who had a compulsive disorder rather than being a germaphobe and it really affected his life in a negative way. I'm beginning to think the the whole public washroom thing though, is a bit of a nightmare for everyone. Thanks for your comments Hilda!
Growing up in a household that required us to wash our hands 8,650 times per day, I can relate to this "germaphobe" article. And today, I'm worse than ever - my hands get so chapped during the winter that they get caught on my clothing. It's a good thing I don't wear nylon stockings...lol Great article ! DaveI'm glad you don't wear nylon stockings too Dave! (Not that there's anything wrong with that) :) Thanks for reading and commenting. I love when a reader can relate!
I loved your article! I wish certain people in my life would be more aware of germs. DonushaKeep on 'em Donusha. :) Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it!
Hey Brianna, I am a fan of DavePo and his stories and I came across your comment on his site. I have to confess that I looked at your story simply because I was fascinated with your last name. I think it is a cool name. Anyway, I'm glad I had the opportunity to read your writing. You are a very good writer! Your story is great and so funny. I'm glad I came across it. Write more!SherryHey Sherry! I'm a fan of DavePo as well. Thanks for checking me out. I hope you continue to read. Have a great day!
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