One Desperate Insomniac’s Cry for Help, Please Someone Help Me Sleep!
Posted: Monday, November 09, 2009
by Brianna Popsickle
I can't sleep and please don't tell me it's my age. The fact is I've never been a good sleeper. I remember as a child sharing a bed with my older sister. Now she was a good sleeper. She should have been born a man. To this day she can nod off while watching TV, and she's out within five minutes of her head hitting the pillow. I hate her.
She knew it was in her best interest to try to make me happy if she wanted to sleep. She agreed to play the picture game. I'd draw pictures on her back in great detail and she'd guess what they were. I figured as long as she was concentrating, she was staying awake. It wasn't long until I was on to her. She guessed everything was a house or a flower and would be asleep before I knew it.
Once I got so annoyed, I tore the sheet from her. Equally annoyed with me, she pulled it right back. We heard it rip. We each pulled a little harder. We continued until it tore completely in two. I'll never forget walking downstairs, each holding half a sheet, saying innocently to our mother, "Our sheet has a rip in it."
Well here I am thirty years later and I'm still not sleeping. I average about four to five hours a night. My husband's come to the conclusion that I don't need sleep because I get up each morning full of energy and in a good mood. So maybe I don't need it, but I want it.
Meanwhile friends say, "Your health, Brianna. You can't go on like this, you'll get sick." I read articles linking lack of sleep with weight gain, not to mention beauty sleep.
The thoughts were enough to get me to the doctor. I knew it wouldn't be easy. For some reason my doctor doesn't want to medicate me, he seems to think I can handle anything. I've gone to him in the past and asked him for a little something to make me as happy as the woman in the Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercial, but no, he couldn't do that. Instead he whipped out a calendar and told me to record my moods. If I didn't see a change in a couple months I was to go back. Well, wasn't he the little miracle worker? My mood changed instantly! My depression turned to anger.
When I asked him for something to help me sleep, he whipped out another sheet. A list of things to help me relax.
Take a warm bath. - Maybe if I had a big soaker tub with little jets in it, but I don't.
Drink a glass of warm milk. - It upsets my stomach.
Clear your mind of all thought. -Yeah right. Asking me to stop thinking when I go to bed is like asking me to stop talking during a movie. It's just not happening. I left the doctor's office more frustrated than ever, and returned to sleepless nights.
When friends and family call they don't ask, "Hi how are you?" they ask, "Hi, how are you, did you sleep?"
My neighbor emails me to ask if I was working late. She'll get up in the middle of the night and see the light from my computer screen.
When my children come in from working shifts or from a night of partying they yell, "Hi mom," knowing I'll be awake and ready to talk.
Finally it got to a point where my husband insisted I go back to the doctor. He didn't have my best interest at heart it was purely selfish on his part. He needed to get his sleep. How much chatting, cuddling and sex can one man endure?
This time I went to my doctor determined to leave with something. Much to my surprise, he wrote me a prescription for a mild sedative. I was moved close to tears. I loosened my grip on his shirt collar and thanked him.
I tried to take the pills only when necessary but was soon in the habit of taking them every night. I was sleeping blissfully. I'd wake up the next morning though feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. Slowly I noticed them losing their effect, some nights I would take one and still lay awake.
I decided it was time to wean myself from them.
It was after 2:00 a.m. and I was still awake when our dog, Casey, let out a yelp. I looked at my husband sleeping peacefully beside me. I stared at him briefly thinking how unfair life was, but decided to let him sleep.
I tried to move quietly but let out a yell when I banged my knee on the cedar chest at the top of the stairs. I went to the basement and unlatched the cage. Casey stood at her water dish and barked. I filled it. She drank and drank and drank. I stood there shivering, wishing I had put on my robe and slippers. She finished and slowly sauntered up the stairs.
I let her outside and checked my emails while I waited for her. Fifteen minutes passed and she still hadn't returned to the door. Calling her would be of no use. She was going deaf in her old age. I stepped onto the deck to wave her in. I spotted her in the corner of the yard and moved out a little further to get her attention. It was cold and wet. I slipped and went down hard. Luckily I got her attention! She came bounding for the door. I got to my feet, limped inside, and put her back in her cage.
Now freezing and the back of my nightgown wet, I was a little irritable. I decided it was not the night to wean myself from the pills. I reached for the bottle and as I tipped it to get one tiny pill, they all rushed out spilling onto the floor and countertop.
For a moment I considered leaving them where they were but I couldn't live with the guilt of having killed the family pet should Casey find them. I knelt down and began feeling around for them. They were tiny, like the eye of a needle, and they were white, like the bathroom floor. I placed them in the bottle and after giving it some consideration, decided I better stick with taking just one.
I quietly changed into a dry nightgown. My husband got up to use the washroom. I started to tell him about my night-time adventure and he said, "Don't talk to me, I'm still sleeping." When he returned he said, "Honey, you've got to get some sleep."
I let out a sigh, took a deep breath and continued to lay awake for another hour. I tried to remember the list the doctor had given me.
Clear your mind of all thoughts. I tried to clear my head.
Empty mind. Empty mind.
Count sheep.
1 2 3 450. OK, it wasn't working.
Think good thoughts.
O.K. Good thoughts. Good thoughts. I'm on a beach. I'm on a beach.
There's a connection between lack of sleep and weight gain.
"##$%#@%#@," I screamed, kicking the covers from the bed.
My husband sat up and asked, " What is your problem?"
"You! You're my problem!" I snapped like a crazed lunatic. I felt around for my slippers and reached for my robe. I went downstairs to my computer.
I started to type. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME SLEEP then I looked to the bottom right of the screen. The computer clock stared back at me. It was 4:10 a.m.
" ##$%#@%#@"
Just another night in my suburban prison.
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More commentsBrianna,Once again, another wonderful (yet sad) story. I know you have heard every conceivable idea but I have 2 suggestions.1. Do you read? I find reading at night puts me to sleep because it allows my mind to focus on something other than problems, ideas and the like. Thus my eyes begin to close, I quickly turn off the light, and I am asleep within seconds.2. And, I suggest you try diaphragmatic breathing (while lying in bed and concentrating on it). It is incredibly relaxing and allows for better blood flow and elimination of toxins from the body. Shallow or lazy breathing, on the other hand which is typical of the majority of the population, increases tension and stress which makes sleeping more difficult.I wish you the best in your endeavors to get a good night's sleep!If I get into a good book I can't put it down so I don't tend to read too often in bed. I have tried deep breathing and relaxation techniques and they have helped on occasion. Thanks for the advice Nancy!
Hi Brianna.I agree that taking your mind away from your usual thoughts is helpful to allowing sleep to come, but I find reading involves me too much with other scenarios. I like to solve a couple of Sudokus before getting in bed. For me that really helps to clear out all the cr***.I hope you find relief and soon. Oh, I've also found that a lot of robust physical activity in the middle of the day helps to tire me out and then I sleep better. Yard work usually works well for me, or cleaning out the garage. Something like that.Wishing you good sleep and sweet dreams,DianneI workout five days a week, but I leave the garage to my husband. :) Thanks for the advice Dianne, maybe I will give Sudoku a try. I'll keep you posted.
I wish I had your problem. I don't want to sleep. I have too much to do! I don't mean to be mean or insulting by saying that. But between work, gaming, writing, spending time with family, etc. it's alot!Oh and...if you want to do something while staying up, I would be glad to welcome you to the world of MMORPG's where every hour slept is Adventure lost ;)You can find me reading articles on SearchWarp in the middle of the night but I'll have to confess I have never heard of MMORPG. Does that make me really uncool? Care to enlighten me? :) Thanks for reading and commenting Geilt!For example, the one I play. Everquest: a bit of a learning curve though. I also played Everquest II, and there is also the ever popular but Everquest Nemisis, World of Warcraft ;)
Brianna,I pray that you will find peaceful way to get a good nights sleep. However, here are some suggestions you might want to consider.1. Try peppermint herbal tea 1 to 2 hrs before you go to bed-please do not drink coffee or alcohol prior too. It will relax your central nervous system.2. Consider transcendental meditation -it is wonderful method to calming your nerves and keeping your mind, body, and spirit in sync.3. deep breathing from your stomach out through your mouth and inhaling through your nose. (2 & 3 can be done in intervals for 3 to 5mins.)Hope it helps. If it doesn't, I have few other suggestions. All the best to you and yours.Sincerely,LawrenceThank you for your suggestions Lawrence. Nancy had mentioned breathing techniques as well and I have found it helpful on occasion. The herbal tea is something I will try as well. Thanks for stopping to comment!
Brianna, I don't mean to laugh at your misery, but you do tell a good tale. I especially love that you said maybe you don't need the sleep, but you want the sleep. That's honesty at its best :-) Unfortunately I have no suggestions. I have learned that when I can't sleep I just get up because the times I force myself to sleep longer because I am too lazy to get up, I end up crabby and tired. Thanks for sharing your prison with us. lolThank you for reading and commenting Teresa, and WELCOME HOME!
A top physician gave me an effective solution: one half milligram of generic Xanax, with no side or dependency effects.Thank you Joel. Is it similar to lorazepam, as it's been mentioned to me as well?
Come to our meditation center in Texas and spend one month. There is no cost; food and lodging are provided free of charge. We will teach you how to arrest thought, which is all dead and the nemesis of creativity. You will be given an eight foot by eight foot cabin to sleep in, and one meal a day at eleven am. And there will be a schedule to follow (on our website). There are just rocks and trees, and silence. But it will take you at least three weeks to get all the old and future garbage out of your mind. Then you will be able to sleep. You are over stimulated.
Best........eYou know what E? I think you're right. I think way too much once my head hits that pillow. The meditation and silence sounds inviting. The eight by eight cabin and one meal a day, not so much. I'm not saying it wouldn't be good for me though, it sounds like something everyone could benefit from at some point in their life. Thanks for reading and for offering a suggestion.
hi brianna,i am the same. too bad we don't live in the same house:)the absolute only thing i have found that works, after years and years of tossing and turning and burning a few beds. i have 2 sound machines, and i put on on each side of me, and they DO make me drift off-not always, but more often than not.however, i have pulled off many all nighters, which make me feel sick the next day. it can be really infuriating.try the sound machines-wal-mart.nightey nite,my best,sueNever heard of 'sound machines' Sue. You learn something everyday! I'm very sensitive to noise at night. If the fan comes on the fireplace or the furnace runs I'm very aware of it. But the sound machine is worth a try if all else fails. (Haven't burned a bed yet :) Thanks for the advice!
Diet and exercise seem to work well for me. Try doing a detox and limiting all sugar and caffeine.Thanks Graham. I'm working on it! I get plenty of exercise but need to cut back on the caffeine. I appreciate your taking time to offer a suggestion.
You might want to try self-hypnosis... I have seen it work for many peopleThanks for the suggestion Ray. I've heard it's worked for some people as well. My sleep pattern has improved a little recently, but I will keep it in mind. Thanks.
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