Growing Older Pains
Posted: Monday, September 07, 2009
by Brianna Popsickle
"So I don't know whether I should go there or have them pick me up. What do you think?"
My daughter was lying next to me on the bed telling me of her plans for the weekend.
"Sounds great," I replied, off in my own little world.
"You're doing it again! You're not listening!" she said, exasperated.
She was right. I wasn't listening and I felt terrible about it. The fact was my mind was on other things and had been for months, since the kids returned from university for the summer.
A strange thing happened when they both left for school last fall, suddenly I had time. Time to think about what I was feeling, and what I needed. Life didn't stop for me when they left, but it did change. I changed, and it didn't take them long to notice once they returned home.
Don't get me wrong, my children are and always will be a priority, but growing pains are inevitable, and right now I think it's me who's suffering from them. Perhaps I should call them growing older pains'.
I've adjusted to the fact that my children, now adults, no longer need my input in all their decision-making. I'm confident in the job I've done as a mother and even more confident in the choices they make. But where this leaves me, I haven't quite figured out.
Although my children were never completely off my mind, my thoughts did turn to other things when they left last fall. I was dealing with downsizing at work and the financial and emotional ramifications it caused, and coping with aging parents and the emotional turmoil that goes along with it. I watched helplessly, as the failing economy and illness took hold of people close to me.
I made some new friends and distanced myself from a few others. I reconnected with people from my past. I had time to focus on my health and socialized more often. My husband and I reconnected after years of being pulled in many directions. And with the encouragement of a friend, I started to write.
When my son and daughter returned for the summer things changed again. With them came battles over the car, friends coming and going at all hours, ever-changing schedules, and shift work, resulting in little sleep for anyone. The kitchen was open 24/7, and I decided early on to close their bedroom doors rather than look at the heap of clothes that littered their floors.
There were times emotions ran high; my daughter coping with a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend, and my son breaking up with his girlfriend of three years, not once, but twice.
And me? Well I was dealing with my own set of issues and emotions. The only person who seemed oblivious to all of this was my husband. Except for the lack of sleep, which he lamented about often, he was just happy to be there. No students for two months.
I will say our house did come to life when the kids returned, but I have to admit, I am ready for it to return to normal.
I never imagined the day when normal for me, would be a house without kids. But time moves on, things change. Children grow up and we grow older. And that's where the growing pains' come in.
My daughter said something about making a phone call and got up and left the room.
I lay there envisioning what the next few weeks would be like once they returned to school. There would be time for gardening, writing, drawing, and entertaining. There would be dinners for two, and a clean house to come home to. There would be uninterrupted sleep, and no fighting for a vehicle.
But it's all bitter sweet, for everything I look forward to there are things I will miss. No more long walks and talks with my daughter. No more hilarious stories during dinner about my son's day at work. The phone will ring less often and there will no longer be unfamiliar people scrounging through my fridge. There will be no more laughter and music coming from the backyard as teenagers converge. There will be no more evenings of sitting on the porch, watching my husband shoot hoops with the kids.
My son walked by the bedroom door.
"What time do you work today?" I hollered.
"That's the second time you've asked me mom, and it's not even ten o'clock yet," he lamented.
"Sorry. I do listen, I just have trouble remembering," I replied, kicking myself.
He went downstairs and sat down at the piano, incredibly gifted, melancholy music filled the air. Just o ne more thing I'll miss.
My eyes filled with tears. They would be returning to university in less than a week. Where had the summer gone? Why hadn't I spent more time with them? How had I allowed myself to become so distracted by other things, when they were home? Why hadn't I listened more?
I hate melancholy. I refuse to do melancholy.
I jumped up, grabbed my gym bag and announced I was going to work out.
When next week comes, and it's time to say goodbye to my kids, I'll give them a kiss and hug them extra tight. I'll be excited for them and for all the wonderful things that lay ahead. I'll smile and wave goodbye, trusting they are in God's hands. And if there are tears, I'll hold off until their car has rounded the corner.
I'll remind myself that what I'm experiencing is, growing older pains.' And just like the summer, they too, will be gone before I know it.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Hi Brianna, Very poignant and well written piece and one that kind of sums life up in a nutshell, the pros and cons of each and every situation, the ups and downs, the highs and lows. Great piece, thoughtful and emotional. Julian
Thanks very much Julian, I appreciate your taking time to comment.
Your article brought tears to my eyes.....what you said is so true and writing is a great release to express our hidden emotions....awesome article!Thanks for your comment Donusha. I agree with you, writing is great therapy!
the difference between disappointment and depression,is committment;as they,your kids, grow(remember,they came through you,not from you)you must also and growth hurts;even a rose hurts as it blooms as so do youWise words. Thanks for commenting.
You drew this reader in and made it very real... how did it go with the tears? I think this write was made for nostelgic smiling and I don't even have kids... good job! Marijo (Mary Jo)They didn't see me shed a tear when I said my goodbyes, I did squeeze them tight though. ;) I know they are happy where they are and that makes it much easier for me. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Brianna,That was perfect! And, while I don't believe in perfection in public speaking (and write often about it), I loved this. So well done -- so well said -- so, right on.Yes, it is 'growing older pains.' And, while you may remember that it seemed to be many years away, time goes so fast that suddenly your kids are grown and gone.There is no doubt that coming home from college is wonderful but it is an adjustment.Your article really 'hit the spot'.NancyFrom the reaction I've had from friends and other readers, I think I did 'hit the spot' with many parents, like you said. It's nice to know we're not alone in these feelings we experience, through each phase of parenting. Thanks for commenting Nancy, I appreciate your feedback.
Touching and heartfelt Brianna. Thanks for sharing with us your insights.Thank you Edward, I appreciate your reading and taking time to comment.
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