A Good Man is Hard to Find, A Good Listener, Even Harder
Posted: Friday, August 28, 2009
by Brianna Popsickle
People tell me I'm a good listener. I take it as a compliment because I think a ‘good listener' is a rare find.
What makes me a good listener is the fact that I'm genuinely interested in what people have to say. My husband says I just don't know how to end' a conversation.
That would explain, the day I set out to canvas for Heart & Stroke. I calculated I would complete the street in just over an hour. I returned home three hours later having done only half the street. It was winter and I hadn't seen some of the neighbours, many of them elderly, for quite some time. They were anxious to fill me in on what they had been doing, their medical concerns, their family issues, and I was happy to listen.
I remember as a little girl, sitting and talking with my Grandmother at length, I found it so interesting to hear what life was like back then. I still enjoy conversations with seniors. They must have learned so much over the years, and just maybe, they'll share their secret for getting so far along in life.
Sometimes my listening' has gotten me in trouble. One evening, on my usual two-mile walk, which generally takes half an hour, I got into conversations with people along the way and didn't notice it had become dark. My husband came looking for me two hours later.
Other times, my husband and I have been out with a couple and just as I ask another question I'll see him roll his eyes and shake his head from side to side, as if to say "No! Enough with the questions!"
I've learned a good listener doesn't offer advice or agree or disagree with what a person is saying. They just need to listen. People want to know they're being heard.
As well, a good listener will acknowledge what the person is feeling, but won't tell them how they should or shouldn't feel, or if what they are feeling is right or wrong.
How many times have you told someone how you were feeling only to hear, "You're being too sensitive" or "You're making a mountain out of a mole hill," or "Stop worrying about it" You can't and shouldn't tell people how to feel, because there is no right or wrong way. People are who they are, and they have the right to feel what they feel.
There are good listeners and there are great listeners. I've been fortunate to have a great' listener all of my life, my mother, my best friend.
My mother not only listens with her ears, she listens with her eyes, and with her heart.
She knows what I'm thinking and feeling by the expression on my face, and she can read what's in my heart by the tone of my voice on the phone, when we're miles apart.
She knows when I'm happy, frustrated or sad. She's been the first to recognize each time I fell in love, all by listening.
People naturally open up to me but generally, I don't open up to others. My husband says I keep people at arms length, and don't want them to get too close. He's probably right. I don't know if it's because I think they won't be interested in what I'm feeling, or in what I have to say. Or maybe I've come to the conclusion my feelings are my own, and I don't need them to be validated by anyone.
As I put my thoughts on paper, and realize I will be posting this for anyone and everyone to see, it hits me. Maybe after all these years, I am, slowly, starting to open up to anyone who cares to listen ...
What makes me a good listener is the fact that I'm genuinely interested in what people have to say. My husband says I just don't know how to end' a conversation.
I remember as a little girl, sitting and talking with my Grandmother at length, I found it so interesting to hear what life was like back then. I still enjoy conversations with seniors. They must have learned so much over the years, and just maybe, they'll share their secret for getting so far along in life.
Sometimes my listening' has gotten me in trouble. One evening, on my usual two-mile walk, which generally takes half an hour, I got into conversations with people along the way and didn't notice it had become dark. My husband came looking for me two hours later.
Other times, my husband and I have been out with a couple and just as I ask another question I'll see him roll his eyes and shake his head from side to side, as if to say "No! Enough with the questions!"
I've learned a good listener doesn't offer advice or agree or disagree with what a person is saying. They just need to listen. People want to know they're being heard.
As well, a good listener will acknowledge what the person is feeling, but won't tell them how they should or shouldn't feel, or if what they are feeling is right or wrong.
How many times have you told someone how you were feeling only to hear, "You're being too sensitive" or "You're making a mountain out of a mole hill," or "Stop worrying about it" You can't and shouldn't tell people how to feel, because there is no right or wrong way. People are who they are, and they have the right to feel what they feel.
There are good listeners and there are great listeners. I've been fortunate to have a great' listener all of my life, my mother, my best friend.
My mother not only listens with her ears, she listens with her eyes, and with her heart.
She knows what I'm thinking and feeling by the expression on my face, and she can read what's in my heart by the tone of my voice on the phone, when we're miles apart.
She knows when I'm happy, frustrated or sad. She's been the first to recognize each time I fell in love, all by listening.
People naturally open up to me but generally, I don't open up to others. My husband says I keep people at arms length, and don't want them to get too close. He's probably right. I don't know if it's because I think they won't be interested in what I'm feeling, or in what I have to say. Or maybe I've come to the conclusion my feelings are my own, and I don't need them to be validated by anyone.
As I put my thoughts on paper, and realize I will be posting this for anyone and everyone to see, it hits me. Maybe after all these years, I am, slowly, starting to open up to anyone who cares to listen ...
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)Hi Brianna, Nicely written article. I think that a good listener becomes a harvester of wisdom (ooh thats a good article title!lol). I think one has to be very empathic to become that kind of listener. It seems you have it mastered! Note to self for today...must listen more! JulianThanks Julian! Although I don't know how "wise" I've become. :) But I will keep listening!Thanks for commenting.
Hi Brianna.
Thank you for sharing. Your well written article is very inspiring to me. I have been like you in some ways and am always eager and interested to listen to people. My late husband had taught me how to be a good listener but sometimes I need a reminder like you just did in your article.
Best regards,
NenitaThanks so much Nenita for reading and commenting. Have a great day!
a sweet and nice piece of writing;some people pretend to listen,but theyre really just waiting for their turn to talk-(Im am such a sorry person)-It appears that youre lucky to also be a listener,as well.I most enjoy what Mae West did to the words of your title,when she proclaimed,for history;"A hard man is good to find!";unquote;She also said;"I used to be Snow White,but I drifted";paulI've met people like that. You can't get your words out quick enough for them because they want to take over the conversation, and aren't listening to you at all. Mae West was something else wasn't she Paul? Thanks for stopping to comment!
Glad you are "opening up" when listening (and sharing are a two way street) there can be a good depth to relationship! Thanks for writing this. MarijoI understand the need to open up, and am working on it. Thanks for commenting (and listening) Marijo. :)
Brianna,Your article was not only well-written but very astute. I wonder, however, if the reason you keep others at arm's length is because of comments like 'the mountain out of the molehill' or 'being too sensitive.' By opening up to others, they get to know you better (not that you want to open up to all -- unfortunately in today's society with twitter, facebook and the like, we have taken that idea way too far).A great relationship can only be complete if you not only listen to someone else but offer your advice, your thoughts, and your opinions. What makes that relationship truly a great friendship, however, is that it is a 50-50 proposition. By not sharing your own joys and heartaches, thoughts and feelings, the other person never gets to know you.We at SW really do care to listen and respond. That's the beauty of this site. And, if some of our opinions are not shared by everyone else, so be it. What I have discovered at SW is that we respect each other no matter the issue.Thanks for sharing your feelings!NancyI wondered when I finished the article if it might leave people with the wrong impression. I realize when a friend needs me to 'listen' and I know when what they want from me is advice or confirmation of what they're feeling. I am happy to give my honest opinion or advice, if that's what I think they want from me. I recognize though, there's a difference between offering your opinion and 'opening up' about yourself in the process'. I think I am getting much better at it, thanks in part to my writing. It was easy for me to write "Don't Tell Anyone" but it took me a while to actually be able to post it. I poured my heart out, in "I Believe in Miracles". I have found the people on SearchWarp to be a wonderful, caring group of people and appreciate their listening and their input. Thanks for your comment Nancy. Something tells me you are a very good listener as well.
Brianna,What great insight you have into people's need to be heard...That is a gift that not everyone possesses. I also have a great friend who is especially good at listening and then knows just what to say....That too is very valuable...Remember that you too, need someone to listen to your dreams, and sorrows too. SaraThanks Sara. I'm fortunate to have a few close friends who are wonderful listeners as well. But as for my dreams, I think they'll always remain my own. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.
Listening well would save a lot of heartache throughout the world, especially in marriages. This subject says a lot about an important skill. I think that you should explore it further, tighten up your writing.You lost me with "That would explain, the day I set out to canvas for Heart & Stroke. " untill I went back for some re-reading. It's another article for your listening theme because this population has few willing to listen to them. So many ramble, like myself (62).I made some notes and I'll share them with you. Don't take anything personal please. I visited you because I read that you have the flu. I hope that you will feel better soon. I hate the flu!I like this and it should be your first sentence, in my opinion: You would do well to rewrite this article and stay close to this sentence's theme. The heart and stroke idea plays well. There's so much more to write. You've given me some ideas!There are good listeners and there are great listeners. I've been fortunate to have a great' listener all of my life, my mother, my best friend.Why a comma after "explain"?That would explain, the day I set out to canvas for Heart & Stroke.Shaky. I'd rewrite it a few time. Some times while visiting another couple, my husband's eyes roll back in his head. "No!". Not another questions!".Other times, my husband and I have been out with a couple and just as I ask another question I'll see him roll his eyes and shake his head from side to side, as if to say "No! Enough with the questions!"How many times have you told someone how you were feeling only to hear, "You're being too sensitive" or "You're making a mountain out of a mole hill," or "Stop worrying about it" You can't and shouldn't tell people how to feel, because there is no right or wrong way. People are who they are, and they have the right to feel what they feel.Wordy construction:People naturally open up to me but generally,I don't open up to others. ---- Where are you going with this? It's another article, no?What about: People enjoy my willingness to listen.Eddie Evanscrme scene cleanupI'll admit I can ramble on at times, and can get carried away with commas. I appreciate your taking the time to read my article and thank you for the advice. As for the flu, I'm feeling awful, but hopefully the worst is over. Thanks again Eddie for stopping by.
Thank you for this article. I like to think that I am a good listener as well, although sometimes it is not easy :)You're welcome Natalia. And you're right, it's not always easy. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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