Guaranteed Weight Loss for Women Stop Counting Calories and Load Up!
Posted: Monday, August 24, 2009
by Brianna Popsickle
There are all kinds of diets, the Atkins diet, Scarsdale, Beverley Hills, the Cabbage Soup diet and countless others. Been there, done that. Either the diet is too difficult to stick with or you crash and burn only to binge and pack on the old weight.
But now there's help! I've discovered a sure-fire way to lose weight. The good news is it doesn't rely solely on deprivation or countless hours of working out. In order to get with the program you can stop counting calories and start loading up! Loading up on STRESS that is.
1. To start off on the right foot each morning set your alarm ten minutes late.
2. Plan a family reunion at your house and when people ask you what they can bring smile and say,
"Nothing, I'll take care of everything."
3. Volunteer to chaperone on all of your children's school trips.
4. When preparing meals for your family, ask each of them what they would like and attempt to accommodate all of them.
5. Have an affair. For added stress, have an affair with a married man.
6. Schedule a chiropractic appointment during the middle of the day. The wait time will do wonders for your stress level.
7. Care. Care about everyone, your parents, children, spouse, co-workers, friends and neighbours. Try to solve their problems as well as your own.
8. Buy a large dog, preferably one that drools and sheds like crazy.
9. Arrange a visit with your in-laws from out-of-town, and insist they stay with you for the week.
10. Find a job you hate, go in early and leave late. For added stress, offer to work through lunch.
11. Lose a job you love.
12. Read the newspaper. Watch the news. Look for headlines on the economy and violence around the world.
13. When at a party, seek out the bigoted, blowhard in the room and have a conversation w ith him. Better yet, spend the evening listening to the most pretentious woman in the room.
14. Dig out your too small clothes' and try them on in front of a mirror.
15. Go grocery shopping on seniors day'.
16. Have your husband start a major home renovation.
17. Read Star and People magazine and compare yourself to Angelina Jolie.
18. Join committees at school, church, and in the neighborhood; the more the better. Volunteer to spearhead projects.
19. Overspend. Rack up your credit cards and anticipate how much your bills will be.
20. Drive during rush hour. For added stress, don't fill the gas tank until the warning alarm goes off.
21. When your child's teacher asks for your help in organizing the school play, offer to mak e all of the costumes.
22. Switch your Internet service to Bell.
23. Tell people to call you anytime' if they need you, and turn up your phone.
24. Get up early, go to bed late.
25. Drink lots of coffee throughout the day.
Guaranteed, if you include even some of these things in your daily routine on a regular basis, you will see the weight fall off. Now, if you're like a friend of mine who says "I'm the opposite, when I'm stressed, I eat more, and I gain weight," then obviously you're not doing enough. You may want to consider the affair, or the drooling, shedding, dog.
I know, I know, you're wondering how you're supposed to deal with the actual stress of it all. Well you know what they say, "No pain, no gain". When you drop fifty pounds and can fit into your skinny clothes again, you'll forget all about the stress.
As with any diet or exercise routine, I would suggest consulting your Doctor before beginning this program.
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Whew, Brianna, I've lost five pounds just reading about stress. : ) I hope this is not autobiographical. But a point is well taken, get busy and focus energies on productive things and it's amazing the good things that seem to come your way. Enjoyed your touch of humor in a much talked about and ballyhooed subject. Well written. JohnWhew John! I'm so glad you saw the humour in this article. I was worried about posting this one. (and no, it's not autobiographical). Although, I do have a few 'stresses' in my life. :) Thanks for commenting!
You are a hoot! I definitely tend to eat more with stress AND life is too short (am currently losing weight sensibly with glycemic index eating plan but that another, more serious note and I totally loved this article! MarijoGlad you liked it Marijo! Good luck with your weight loss goals, sounds like you're doing it the smart way!
Brianna, this was funny, thank you! Have you heard that stressed backwards is "desserts?" You are spot on with this one. It's a terrible way to lose weight but it does work! Thanks for the laugh. I enjoy your sense of humor!No, I had never heard that before Avis! I'm glad you got a laugh from the article, and appreciate your taking time to read and comment.
Brianna, I LOVE your list! One problem, though...I eat more when stressed. Do you think you could come up with another list for me? :-) Thanks for the chuckle.Well, like I said to my friend, I think you need to look at getting a large, drooling, shedding dog. That will keep you hopping and the weight will fall off! Thanks for commenting Lorrie. Glad you enjoyed it!
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