It Takes a Village to Raise a Child
Posted: Thursday, May 07, 2009
by Brianna Popsickle
Mothers Day is around the corner, and it's customary to stop and acknowledge and appreciate what our mothers mean to us.
However, at this time of year, I can't help but also think of women who have wanted to become mothers and for whatever reason have not been blessed with children. Mother's Day must be a painful reminder to them of what they are missing.
I know, because I have several women in my life who are in this position. They tell me the pain begins soon after marriage when everyone expects to hear 'baby news'. The years pass and they attend countless baby showers and celebrate the birth of friends' babies, while the months turn to years and they remain childless.
They haven't quite learned how to respond to people who years later still ask when they are going to start a family. They don't know how to react when people boldly suggest they adopt.
Christmas and Easter are difficult for them, as most holidays revolve around children. While they always enjoy seeing nieces and nephews and friends' children celebrate at family gatherings, they never get to play Santa or see their own sleepy-eyed children come down the stairs to search for Easter eggs.
My friend says it only gets worse as you get older. Suddenly you're being invited to your friends' children's weddings and baby showers. You see your friends enjoying family times with children and grandchildren while you face the prospect of growing old alone.
As a mother, I believe they're right when they say 'It takes a village to raise a child'. Especially in today's world of two working parents and latch key kids. It's important to have caring role models in our children's lives. Extended family plays a huge part in their development.
Despite having no children of their own, the women I know, whether they recognize it or not, are having a huge impact on children. One woman is a principal at a school, her compassion and caring attitude towards her students has influenced and benefited them greatly.
Another friend, who is godmother to her two nieces is every bit a mother to them. She lights up when she tells me the latest about her girls. She showers them not only with gifts (she's a shopping fanatic!) but with plenty of love and attention as well.
My sister has been a blessing to me, and my children. She is their 'second mom.' When they were born, she was one of the first to hold them. When my seven-year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer, she came to be at our side. She drove for hours to see my daughter compete in a thirty second swim race. She has always encouraged and supported my son in whatever he chose to do.
I can't help but see what wonderful mothers these three women would have been. But perhaps if they had children of their own, they wouldn't have been available to play such an important part in those lives they are influencing now.
Take a look around you this Mothers Day. Send a card or flowers or simply tell these women what they mean to you and your children. Encourage their relationship. Keep them informed of what's happening in your child's life, include them. You'll find that if you do that when your children are young they will have established a great bond, and when they are older, they will carry on the relationship, as is the case with my children and my sister.
So this Mother's Day I salute those childless women who suffer in silence, but still find it in their hearts to love and care for the children of others. It takes a village to raise a child, and we parents along with our children, are blessed to have these women in our lives.
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)Very good article Brianna, "it takes a village to raise a child" I believe that is an African proverb. And how true it is the whole world is composed of our brothers and sisters. I don't believe we should confine our children to a family life alone but let them know of the world outside.
I couldn't agree more David. Thanks for commenting.
Brianna,Thanks for paying tribute and saluting us, childless women. I called myself, The Childless Mother With Lots of Children. LOL I have 34 nieces and nephews! who loves me dearly (smile!) My gift to them, which is priceless, is education. I financed their education, sent them to college and universities and I am proud to say that one of them is now a doctor, two are nurses, two midwives and the others have finished college in Computer Science, the rest are still in school. I think, that is my legacy. LOL. Thanks to my sisters and brothers for including me as "one of the parents" of their children.Happy Mother's Day Brianna.Your fan,NenitaThat's what I'm talking about! Your bond with your nieces and nephew, sisters and brothers is incredible. They are very lucky to have you in their lives, not only for the financial aid you've given them but for the love you so obviously have for them.
Thank you, Brianna. Many of my nieces and nephews experienced their "firsts" with me: the trip to Disney, plane ride, seeing snow, staying in a cabin in the mountains etc. It started very young when I was certain I'd have children. And now I'll have more 'grandkids' than all of them combined with the Home for Pregnant Teens. I am prone to miss my mother on Mother's Day more than not being a mom. But that can come at any time IF I permit it. As you've shared, it takes a village and instead of reflecting on my losses I'd rather help out in the village.
Happy Mother's Day to you!
Thanks for reading and commenting Avis. Your nieces, nephews and the teenagers in your home are blessed to have you in their lives, as you are to be loved by all of them! Happy Mother's Day to you as well.
Excellent, Brianna. I know all my daughter went through with friends having kids and am grateful for how things turned out. One of her best friends was going through the same thing so they had a support system. My daughter's friend gave birth to a little girl, just a couple months after my grandson was born. It has got to be bittersweet for the women who do not conceive, yet still "have kids", the ones they mentor and care for. I imagine there are some who wish things were different and some who are very content. Thanks for writing this. You are so right.It is such an emotional issue. It's so important to be sensitive to the feelings of these couples. It can be difficult because it's not something they usually talk about. That's why it's so amazing when they give so much of themselves to other children. Thanks for commenting Lorrie.
Brianna, what a wonderful and heartfelt story about these amazing women. Men go through the same delima as well. I never fathered my own child, but I did adopt 3 children that are like my own, actually they legally adopted me one fathers day, they handed me the paperwork from an attorney, for me to sign, for the adoption, and it was the best fathers day gift I ever received. So I know where these gals are coming from, and I admire their spirit, and God made us the way we are for a reason...I believe that is so....Well done on the article, and very well told....Great reading......your fan, and friend in pen......GaryWhat a wonderful gift for your three children to give you adoption papers on Father's Day! That says a lot about you as a person and as a father Gary. Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story. That was my point exactly, you don't have to be biologically related, to be family.
What a wonderfully well written and inspirational story. I meant to comment on it sooner but have been so upside down busy lately. I have read all of your articles and just have to say how well written they are and how well spoken you, as an author, are. I look forward to your next article, take care and thanks for sharing this wonderful piece with us all.Thanks so much for your comment Myla. I appreciate your taking the time to read my work and am happy you are enjoying it!
I have no doubt you have been a positive influence in many children's lives Suzy!You're right, parenting, especially today, is very challenging. Thanks for reading and taking time to comment, and thank you for joining my fan club.
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