What I Did Right and Where I Screwed Up As a Mom
Posted: Sunday, May 03, 2009
by Brianna Popsickle
As with any job you have good days and bad days, being a mom is no different. Here are some things I did right, and inevitably, where I screwed up
Respect yourself and others. I taught my kids to treat people how they would want to be treated. They learned that not everyone lives by that rule, so I taught them forgiveness. If they were waiting for perfect friends they would be waiting a long time. No one is perfect, not even my little angels.
Listen. I chose a job that allowed me to be home in time to have an after school snack ready for the kids. We always ate dinner together and I tucked them in each night. It was during these times we had our best talks. Once they were older and everyone was on a different schedule, I would sometimes get up 2 or 3 a.m. when they got in from a night out, and we would sit and talk. My husband wondered why it couldn't wait until the next day, but I told him, "If you wait, you'll miss it." You have to make yourself available to listen to your child when they feel like talking.
Love your kids and their friends. My kids knew their friends were always welcome in our home. We only had two children but we never knew how many of their teenage friends we would find sleeping on couches the morning after a night out.
Life isn't always fair. I didn't have to teach them this since life had a way of doing that. What I did teach them was how to pick themselves up when things went badly, and how to deal with their emotions. What seems bad at the time may be the beginning of something much better.
Introduce them to God. My children were baptized in a church and we went to Mass as a family. Prayer was part of our family life. The foundation has been laid, what they choose to do with it is their decision.
Encourage but don't push. My son and daughter were given the opportunity to try whatever sport or instrument they wanted. They finished what they started, but if they decided not to do it again that was all right. There's a fine line between encouraging and pushing a child. It has to be what they want, not what we want for them.
Lead by example.I have great memories of doing my Jane Fonda workout tape in our basement surrounded by my kids and their neighbourhood friends. Sometimes there were as many as eight kids, aged three to ten, working out along side me. I don't know who enjoyed it more. (O.K., pretty sure I did.)
Dare to try new things. We took our kids to Wonderland countless times. I am not a rides' person but I sucked it up and went on some roller coasters with them. My biggest triumph? Drop Zone (A sudden vertical plunge of 200 feet) with my kids. Am I a cool mother or what?
Make it fun. I ache when I'm shopping and hear a parent screaming at their child to behave. Call me crazy, but I actually looked forward to carting my toddlers to the store. They enjoyed it too. I would point to the various animals on the packages in the pet food aisle and the kids would make the sound of the animal. I gave them each three things to remember on the grocery list. I can still hear my daughter singing "Meat, potatoes, applesauce," as she skipped through the store.
Pick your battles. When my son was eight he got a Mohawk cut, at twelve he had his hair buzzed off, at fifteen he dyed his long hair black. He was always a good kid, and it was only hair, not cigarettes, not drugs. Pick your battles; one day they'll want a tattoo. (A whole other story.)
The value of family. I taught my children the important role their grandparents, aunts and uncles have by establishing a bond between them when they were young. Now they carry on the relationships themselves.
Let them be kids. If you saw my house now, everything is in its place. The reason? My kids are gone. When they were little, no room was off limits. They had pretend schools and Barbie and Lego houses set up throughout the house for days at a time. Let them be kids!
Who's perfect? Not me. Here's where I screwed up.
Respect yourself and others. I taught my kids to treat people how they would want to be treated. They learned that not everyone lives by that rule, so I taught them forgiveness. If they were waiting for perfect friends they would be waiting a long time. No one is perfect, not even my little angels.
Love your kids and their friends. My kids knew their friends were always welcome in our home. We only had two children but we never knew how many of their teenage friends we would find sleeping on couches the morning after a night out.
Life isn't always fair. I didn't have to teach them this since life had a way of doing that. What I did teach them was how to pick themselves up when things went badly, and how to deal with their emotions. What seems bad at the time may be the beginning of something much better.
Introduce them to God. My children were baptized in a church and we went to Mass as a family. Prayer was part of our family life. The foundation has been laid, what they choose to do with it is their decision.
Encourage but don't push. My son and daughter were given the opportunity to try whatever sport or instrument they wanted. They finished what they started, but if they decided not to do it again that was all right. There's a fine line between encouraging and pushing a child. It has to be what they want, not what we want for them.
Lead by example.I have great memories of doing my Jane Fonda workout tape in our basement surrounded by my kids and their neighbourhood friends. Sometimes there were as many as eight kids, aged three to ten, working out along side me. I don't know who enjoyed it more. (O.K., pretty sure I did.)
Dare to try new things. We took our kids to Wonderland countless times. I am not a rides' person but I sucked it up and went on some roller coasters with them. My biggest triumph? Drop Zone (A sudden vertical plunge of 200 feet) with my kids. Am I a cool mother or what?
Make it fun. I ache when I'm shopping and hear a parent screaming at their child to behave. Call me crazy, but I actually looked forward to carting my toddlers to the store. They enjoyed it too. I would point to the various animals on the packages in the pet food aisle and the kids would make the sound of the animal. I gave them each three things to remember on the grocery list. I can still hear my daughter singing "Meat, potatoes, applesauce," as she skipped through the store.
Pick your battles. When my son was eight he got a Mohawk cut, at twelve he had his hair buzzed off, at fifteen he dyed his long hair black. He was always a good kid, and it was only hair, not cigarettes, not drugs. Pick your battles; one day they'll want a tattoo. (A whole other story.)
The value of family. I taught my children the important role their grandparents, aunts and uncles have by establishing a bond between them when they were young. Now they carry on the relationships themselves.
Let them be kids. If you saw my house now, everything is in its place. The reason? My kids are gone. When they were little, no room was off limits. They had pretend schools and Barbie and Lego houses set up throughout the house for days at a time. Let them be kids!
Who's perfect? Not me. Here's where I screwed up.
No choking on my watch. While the other moms in playgroup were feeding their kids apples and grapes, I was giving mine bananas. I was so afraid of them choking they never saw a raw vegetable until they were ten. To this day they don't enjoy vegetables and I'm sure they've probably got a deep-rooted fear of choking they're not telling me about.
No driving in snowstorms. My husbands says, "Don't ever change your plans on account of the weather." I say, "If the weatherman says it might' snow a week from next Tuesday, change your plans." We were in a head on collision, hit by a driver who lost control. As a result, I don't like the idea of my kids driving in snowstorms, I know they're capable; it's everyone else I worry about.
You'll grow into it. Laundry is not my strong suit. I tend to shrink things. I often bought their clothes on the big side, knowing they would shrink a little. Sometimes I bought them too big and it took longer than it should have for them to grow into. (Like never)
They're not me. I like to send thank you notes; thank you notes for dinners, for gifts, thank you notes for thank you notes. Sometimes I expect my kids to be me, they're not, and shouldn't be.
Privacy. I've learned it's not cool to look over their shoulder when they're on the computer and ask, "Who are ya talking to?" They really don't like that.
I'll teach you that later. Too often in a rush, I never took the time to teach my children much in the kitchen. They (and their future spouses) will have to figure it out.
Time to stop hugging. There's an age where you should stop hugging your son's friends good night at sleepovers. (Don't worry, the look on your son's face will tell you.)
Motherhood, like every other job, certainly has its challenges. I give credit to my mother for what I've done right. She was a wonderful example of all a mother should be. However, having said that, she gets credit for some things I did wrong too.
But hey, just like she taught me and I taught my kids no one's perfect
No driving in snowstorms. My husbands says, "Don't ever change your plans on account of the weather." I say, "If the weatherman says it might' snow a week from next Tuesday, change your plans." We were in a head on collision, hit by a driver who lost control. As a result, I don't like the idea of my kids driving in snowstorms, I know they're capable; it's everyone else I worry about.
You'll grow into it. Laundry is not my strong suit. I tend to shrink things. I often bought their clothes on the big side, knowing they would shrink a little. Sometimes I bought them too big and it took longer than it should have for them to grow into. (Like never)
They're not me. I like to send thank you notes; thank you notes for dinners, for gifts, thank you notes for thank you notes. Sometimes I expect my kids to be me, they're not, and shouldn't be.
Privacy. I've learned it's not cool to look over their shoulder when they're on the computer and ask, "Who are ya talking to?" They really don't like that.
I'll teach you that later. Too often in a rush, I never took the time to teach my children much in the kitchen. They (and their future spouses) will have to figure it out.
Time to stop hugging. There's an age where you should stop hugging your son's friends good night at sleepovers. (Don't worry, the look on your son's face will tell you.)
Motherhood, like every other job, certainly has its challenges. I give credit to my mother for what I've done right. She was a wonderful example of all a mother should be. However, having said that, she gets credit for some things I did wrong too.
But hey, just like she taught me and I taught my kids no one's perfect
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)What a wonderful article!. Man, you have the coolest last name! I'd give anything for a last name like that!This was a really well written article Ms. popsickle! Just had to get the name in there one more time, lol. You are obviously as talented a mother as you are a writer and I loved evrything on your list. The advise about not driving in a snow storm is so true... the older I get the less unnessary risk I take... and you got me on the hugging the friends part too. I still do it and my kids give me looks that could kill! Thanks for sharing this wonderful article with us all!
Thanks Myla! I'm glad you enjoyed the article and appreciate you taking a moment to comment. I guess if the worst thing we do as moms is hug our friends kids, we're not doing too badly. :)
I liked your article, Brianna; looking forward to more to come! One question: did you marry well too or did you raise your family (successfully) all by your lonesome?Glad you enjoyed the article Alexander. I've been married for twenty-four years so I will have to give my husband at least some of the credit in raising our children. :)
Excellent article Brianna,I really liked and did the same thing about "if you're waiting for perfect friends you'll be waiting forever." Reality can bite but it is so true that no one is perfect.God Bless,MichelleThanks Michelle, I appreciate your comment. Happy Mothers Day!
Brianna,You gave them a good foundation. Congratulations! I agreed with everything you said.Don't kick yourself for what you did wrong. We all made mistakes and will continue to do so but I know your kids love you and that is the bottom line. They have respect for others and are heading down the right path.Thanks for an honest look...I hope new moms will read this and try to do what is right in the long run and not what is easeir and feels good in the short term.NancyThanks for your comments Nancy. I agree with you, doing the right thing as a parent isn't about doing what's easiest. My kids got a lesson early on in doing the 'right' thing.My kids and I were driving one rainy day, and a woman we knew was walking to work. There had been several incidents which had revealed her true colours, she was not a good person. I stopped and drove out of our way to give her a ride to work. When we dropped her off, both my kids asked why I would stop to help her. I said "Because it was the right thing to do". And then I added "Trust me kids, doing the right thing isn't always the easiest thing". :)
Brianna! I told you once I loved your style - this is another testimony of why! You rock! I have been married for 24 years as well, so my hubby helped some. (ha). and... do I have a tattoo story for you! ( a few actually - older articles) my son got his first on his 18th b-day and the second not too long ago. sheesh :-) My son has been doing his own laundry since he was 11. I laxed in the kithen - my daughter learned how to turn the oven on at 15. Her future husband will need to do the cooking :-)I have learned we have a lot in common :-)Anyway, way to go! Happy Mother's Day to you!! Blessings, TeresaThanks so much for your comments Teresa. That's fantastic that your son has done his own laundry since he was eleven! I'm impressed. Now, about the tattoos, we'll have to talk. :) (My son got his first one when he turned 19, and now he's talking about another one.)Have a wonderful Mothers Day Teresa.
hi brianna,it's one thing being a good person, a loving friend, a compassionate daughter, but this mother stuff is hard! it appears kids don't like to listen to what i have to say, but they'll go to boot camp! go figure. i am finding more and more, that with my youngest being 18, then 21, and 23, i've done a whole lot to prepare them and stimulate them in all the right areas. they've got to take over their own lives now.mistakes? i've made a few!! :)but so has everyone i've ever known, so that in itself doesn't worry me as much as the pride i see in what i've done right.i think the nest is finally ready for that rest i was always wanting, but cry about now!thanks for joining my fan club, i appreciate it,my best regards,sueYou're right Sue, at some point they have to be in charge of their own lives. It sounds like you've done a great job preparing them so I'm sure they'll do fine!Have a wonderful Mother's Day!
My theory was you do your best then hope for the best !You're right Robin, you can't do any more than that! Thanks for reading and commenting.
An enjoyable and meaningful read, Brianna. There are many things I would do different if given the chance, but we live what we learn.I suppose there are things we would all do differently if given the chance. All we can do is take one day at a time and make changes for the future. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Ken.
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